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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones why is this the case ?do you think this is a positive or negative development ?

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development
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These days ,public debate has been going over whether The uses of smartphones for long hours have benefits or drawbacks on
children
Use synonyms
's life. In my mind, I believe that there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 more negatives effect than benefits. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 I will explain Some Causes for that issue. First and Foremost,
Children
Use synonyms
 Today Can stay on their electronic devices for a Long time watching tik toke video or playing online video games with their friends. the main Cause for
that is
Linking Words
parents
Use synonyms
' denial. Unfortunately,
parents
Use synonyms
 ask their
children
Use synonyms
 to stop shouting and use their smartphones
instead
Linking Words
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 find the use of phones to
socialising
Wrong verb form
socialise
show examples
 with their friends very Convenience, especially
The
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
friends who live far away from other Counties.
However
Linking Words
,
The
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 who spend hours on their phones
suffering
Wrong verb form
suffer
show examples
 from several problems In their life. they lose their Communication skills; which is very necessary to build up Their personality.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, young people Can be affected easily by some websites, which
encourages
Correct subject-verb agreement
encourage
show examples
 them to try physical violence in their behaviour to be stronger. In Canada and USA,
for instance
Linking Words
, The
Children
Use synonyms
arrested
Add a missing verb
were arrested
show examples
due to
Linking Words
 their dangerous behaviour against each other.
Besides
Linking Words
 , The
children
Use synonyms
's suicide rate has increased
due to
Linking Words
 the
superbilling
Correct your spelling
super billing
 spread among the
children
Use synonyms
, which is considered as awareness of real dangerous for
parents
Use synonyms
 and society. Admittedly ,There are some benefits to using technology devices for
children
Use synonyms
;
such
Linking Words
 as, Learning online from educational websites and reading some
e-book
Fix the agreement mistake
e-books
show examples
. Despite that, Unlimited use
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 smartphones can possess real threats to
children
Use synonyms
's Life. In Conclusion, having Considered all the above I believe that, The Screens'
using
Replace the word
use
show examples
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 must be controlled by their
parents
Use synonyms
 because
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 negative effects more than the positives.
Submitted by deinaomahmed44 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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