IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Young people who commit crimes should be treated in the same as adults who commit crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #crimes #adults #crime
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In
this
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 modern era,
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crime
Replace the word
criminal
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 activities have increased significantly so that not only
adults
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 who commit
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Add an article
a crime
the crime
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crime
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crimes
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 but
also
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 the youth. Some
people
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 state that if young
people
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 commit crimes they should be punished in the same way as
adults
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,
while
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 others believe that it is not a wise solution.
This
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 essay will discuss both points of view
,
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apply
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 and argue in
favor
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favour
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 of the latter. On the one hand, some
people
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 say that in order to prevent
crime
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, the authorities should give
punishment
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to
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apply
show examples
the perpetrators without considering their ages. A case in point is Juvenile delinquency which has increased in
this
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 modern era. If the authorities with their manpower could give the same treatment to those committers, they will think twice if they aspire to commit crimes.
Thus
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, the juxtaposition between youths and
adults
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 in terms of
punishment
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 should be done for the sake of
tranquility
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tranquillity
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.
On the other hand
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, I believe that equalizing the
punishment
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 between teenagers and
adults
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 is not a good decision. Unlike
adults
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 who can behave with their full awareness, youngsters are still vulnerable and malleable so
that
Correct word choice
apply
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they are easily influenced by their peers which means that most of their actions are not based on their full awareness.
For instance
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, in order to be accepted in their circumstances, students in high school may have
a
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the
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 predisposition to commit
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crime
Replace the word
criminal
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 activities and mostly because of the influence
from
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of
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 their peers.
Hence
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, I strongly believe that
by
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apply
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similising sentences between those who can think by themselves and those who are mostly influenced by their surroundings are flawed. On the basis of these statements, it can be concluded that some
people
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 believe that giving
a
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apply
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punishment
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 should be done without considering the ages of the perpetrators for reaching serenity in
societies
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society
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.
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However
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,However
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 I argue that since teenagers are still vulnerable and malleable, it is crucial to treat them in different ways in terms of giving
punishment
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. Given
this
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 situation, it is paramount for the authorities to find the best solution for preventing crimes without giving harsh punishments to
the
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apply
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young committers.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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