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Writing Samples
Band 6

Nowadays, many people have to work longer hours, and they feel more stressed out than before. What are the reasons? What can employers do to make their employees' lives easier?

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A growing trend of overtime work is a great concern for societies.
This
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 is
due to
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a
Correct article usage
the
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 fact that employees' salaries are not enough to meet the necessities of life,
however
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, organizations can help their workers in
this
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 regard.
This
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 essay will look at the causes of
this
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 trend and steps to counter it. To commence, when the in-flow of cash outweighs the out-flow, people become frustrated and start working for extended hours. There are three main reasons for
this
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 improper balance of the cash flow. Inflation is the first reason,
secondly
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, many housewives tend to adopt a luxurious lifestyle as shown on electronic media,
lastly
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, a joint family system with only a single working person causes trouble.
For example
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, in Europe, in spite of the better salaries, there is no joint family system and everyone does a job in order to support themselves.
Therefore
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, either
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 or employers should design a working policy to combat
such
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 situations and maintain a healthy work-life balance. Working hours should be limited and no one should be allowed to work for more than 8 hours,
furthermore
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, allowances should be given on top of the basic salaries. In
western
Capitalize word
Western
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 countries,
for instance
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, many organizations have implemented the policy that anyone, who works for more than the assigned working time, would be penalized.
This
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 SOP not only improved the productivity of the human resources but
also
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helps
Wrong verb form
helped
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 them enjoy their personal lives.
To conclude
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, lesser income and higher expenses put a man to work beyond his working time, which makes him distressed and unhappy. Companies can help their resources by standardising some fixed check-out times within the workplace.

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task response
Ensure that each paragraph directly addresses the task prompt and supports the main argument. Consider providing more detailed examples to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-developed and effectively frame your essay. Work on improving the flow between sentences and paragraphs for better cohesion.
coherence and cohesion
Clear introduction and conclusion that address the topic effectively.
task response
Use of relevant examples to support the reasons and solutions provided.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Burnout: A state of physical and emotional exhaustion often caused by prolonged stress.
  • Telecommuting: Working from a location outside of the traditional office environment, usually from home.
  • Work-life balance: The equilibrium between personal life and career work.
  • Flexible working hours: A system that allows employees to choose their working hours within certain limits.
  • Occupational wellbeing: The overall mental, physical, and emotional health of an individual in relation to their job.
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