IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Young people who commit crimes should be treated in the same way as adults. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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There is a controversial dispute about whether the punishment for teenage and mature criminals should be identical. From my point of view about life, I partly agree with
this
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 debate. To commence with, imposing punishments on adult citizens is necessary because
this
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 purpose will form an orderly society.
Therefore
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, the safety of residents will be protected because of the regulations.
However
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, regarding immature wrongdoers, governments should consider these penalties carefully before applying them.
Since
Change preposition
According to
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 many scientific studies, juvenile delinquents have a deficiency in perception, meaning their ability to discriminate between good and wrong manners is not yet shaped.
Consequently
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, they cannot control their behaviours or might not rein in their eutrophic emotions.
Therefore
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, authorities should impose another mild discipline on them.
For example
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, when young people scribble on the wall at the supermarket, police officers could take them to serve the community
instead
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 of jailing them.
On the other hand
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, offenders related to serious crimes should be punished regardless of their age. Youthful violators are increasing for many reasons, like playing violent video games,
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then
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apply
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they can generate savage crimes,
such
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 as killing massive numbers of people.
Therefore
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, governments should apply the severest punishment, called the death penalty, to dangerous murderers, whether they are under 18 years old. It means that the existence of cruel delinquents will be discarded from society.
Hence
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, the safety of the citizens will be maintained.
Moreover
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,
this
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 strict discipline can help governments inhibit juvenile lawbreakers from savagely and illegally misbehaving. To summarize everything stated, punishing immature violators and adults by using similar regulations based on their extent of guilt.

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task response
Ensure that the opinion on the topic is clearly stated and maintained throughout the essay. Provide balanced arguments for both agreements and disagreements.
coherence and cohesion
Organize the essay into clear paragraphs with a well-defined introduction and conclusion. Use transition words to improve the coherence and cohesion of ideas.
lexical resource
Expand the variety of vocabulary used to express ideas and to connect them logically. Avoid repetition and strive for a more complex and formal language style.
grammatical range
Work on the accurate use of complex grammatical structures. Ensure the use of a variety of sentence structures to convey ideas.
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