IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports faculties . Others , however say that this would have little effect on public health and other measures are required . Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

There are differing opinions regarding the most effective way to improve public
health
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.
While
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 some
people
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 believe that increasing the number of
sports
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facilities
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 is the best solution, others argue that
this
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 approach alone is insufficient and that additional measures are required.
This
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 essay will examine both perspectives before clearly stating my own opinion. Those who support the first view argue that
sports
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facilities
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 encourage
people
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 to engage in regular physical activity.
This
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 is mainly because easy access to gyms, parks, and playgrounds motivates individuals to
exercise
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 more frequently, which can lead to lower rates of obesity and heart-related diseases.
Moreover
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, public
sports
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facilities
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 promote social interaction and mental well-being, making
exercise
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 more enjoyable and sustainable.
For example
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, cities that invest in public parks and
sports
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 centres often see higher participation in physical activities among residents, particularly among young
people
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.
On the other hand
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, opponents believe that
sports
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facilities
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 alone cannot significantly improve public
health
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. They claim
this
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 because public
health
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 is influenced by a range of other factors,
such
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 as access to healthcare services and
health
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 education, and they
further
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 argue that issues like poor diet and environmental pollution can outweigh the benefits of physical
exercise
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.
For instance
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,
people
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 living in polluted urban areas may suffer from respiratory illnesses even if they
exercise
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 regularly, which highlights the limitations of relying solely on
sports
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facilities
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. In conclusion,
although
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 both views have their merits, I believe that other measures are more important than simply increasing the number of
sports
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facilities
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.
This
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 is because a comprehensive approach that includes quality healthcare, public awareness, and environmental protection is more effective, and
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therefore
Punctuation problem
therefore,
show examples
 long-term improvement in public
health
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 can only be achieved through combined efforts.

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structure
Your essay has a good plan: start with what you will do, then two sides, then your view.
coherence
Link ideas with simple words like and, but, also to make flow clear.
development
Give more detail for each idea and add more simple examples where possible.
grammar
Check small grammar mistakes and keep a neutral tone.
task message
Clear view is given near the end.
coherence
Good order: one idea per paragraph.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • promote
  • physical activity
  • improve
  • public health
  • opportunities
  • regular exercise
  • chronic diseases
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • heart disease
  • community involvement
  • social interactions
  • education
  • healthy lifestyles
  • policies
  • healthy eating habits
  • access
  • limited
  • location
  • affordability
  • cultural barriers
  • holistic approach
  • strategies
  • interventions
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