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Writing Samples
Band 5

The personal information of many individuals is held by large Internet companies and organisations. Do you think the advantages of this outweight the disadvantages?

#information #individuals #internet #companies #organisations #outweight
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Nowadays,
due to
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 advancement in technology,
almost
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most
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 of
personal
Correct article usage
the personal
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information
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 of residents are managed by internet
companies
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 and organizations which makes many concerned about that development. Honestly, there are some pros and cons;
however
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, in my opinion, I reckon the disadvantages of
this
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 outweigh the advantages.
This
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 essay will discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
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this
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 view. There is no denying that there are some benefits when a lot of
companies
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 have users’
information
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. When
people
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 apply their personal
information
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 on the pages,
this
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 creates
great
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the great
a great
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condition
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conditions
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 for business
companies
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 to catch up hobbies or interests of customers. A good case in
this
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 point is a person who
want
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wants
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 to catch a taxi can share the place for drives to pick up. In fact, there are many big
companies
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 using
people
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’s
information
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 in order to make their services more suitable
with
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for
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 consumers.
However
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, one of
essential
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the essential
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 considerations is there are still numerous threats
in
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to
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 privacy policies
in
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on
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 the internet. Some
of
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apply
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Use synonyms
companies
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the companies
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 have failed in protecting
user’s
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users’
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information
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 from hackers which leads to a bunch of problems. One
of
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apply
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familiar
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the familiar
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examples
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example
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 of
this
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 is many accounts
of
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on
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 Facebook have been hacked and revealed their sensitive
information
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 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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social networking that
have
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has
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profound
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a profound
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effect
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effects
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 on daily lives. Indeed, plenty of
people
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, especially youngsters and the elderly are bothered and annoyed by advertisements or strange calls. Some
people
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 decided to commit suicide because they were cheated
all
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of all
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 of
money
Correct pronoun usage
their money
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 and property. From what has been discussed above we may draw the conclusion that
people
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 should be careful when
provide
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providing
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 their
information
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with
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to
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 organizations.
Besides
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, it is really vital for governments to enact laws to prevent
companies
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 from intentionally
having
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apply
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wrongdoing and affecting
resident’s
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residents’
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 lives negatively.
Submitted by sinh.ielts on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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