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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that the government should be responsible for crime prevention, while others believe that it is the responsibility of the individual to protect themselves. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #government #crime #prevention #responsibility
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The
Crime
rate
 in
this
 modern world has reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
an alarming
rate
.
While
 some are of the opinion that government authorities should take necessary action to curb the
crime
rate
, others argue that people should take care of themselves from these crimes.
This
 essay will discuss both arguments and state why
balance
Add an article
a balance
the balance
show examples
 between these two arguments
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 necessary to reduce the
crime
 rates. It is often believed that government has the authority to prevent criminal
acts
 by implementing stringent laws.
This
 means that these measures can inflict fear among the citizens to commit any unlawful
acts
.
Hence
, strict law enforcement can reduce
crime
 rates.
Kingdom
Correct article usage
The Kingdom
show examples
 of Saudi Arabia,
for instance
,
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 the lowest
rate
 of
crime
 because the country has one of the strictest laws against offensive activities.
This
 shows that there is a strong correlation between strict law enforcement and
crime
 rates.
Conversely
, some hold the belief that citizens should take necessary actions to protect themselves to reduce the risk of becoming a victim. To explain
further
, individuals should avoid activities that can lead to violence or harm.
For example
, sexual harassment or rape occurs mostly in
night clubs
Correct your spelling
nightclubs
show examples
 and parties because these sexual predators know that young girls can be an easy
target
Fix the agreement mistake
targets
show examples
 when they are under the influence of alcohol or drugs. These wrongful
acts
 can be prevented if potential
victim
Fix the agreement mistake
victims
show examples
 are being well aware of their surroundings.
This
 proves that individuals being cautious can lower
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crimes.
However
, I advocate that both of these two approaches should be
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
balanced manner to
cutdown
Correct your spelling
cut down
show examples
 the number of criminal activities. There are
may
Correct your spelling
many
show examples
 cases where offenders can get away from punishment even with strict laws.
Furthermore
, someone can become a victim even though they are extremely careful.
Therefore
, It is necessary to have
balance
Add an article
a balance
show examples
 between strict law and individual responsibility to minimize
crime
Correct article usage
the crime
show examples
rate
. In conclusion,
although
 government hold the main responsibility of protecting
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
citizen from
crime
 by imposing tough rules,
individual
Add an article
an individual
the individual
show examples
 should be cautious and take appropriate measures to guard themselves
from
Change the preposition
against
show examples
 criminal
acts
. These two approaches are crucial to build a
crime free
Add a hyphen
crime-free
show examples
 society.
Submitted by mnasanjith on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • responsible for crime prevention
  • legislative power
  • trained personnel
  • public institutions
  • police force
  • judiciary
  • correctional facilities
  • maintain law and order
  • public good
  • personal accountability
  • self-defense measures
  • security systems
  • vigilant
  • community watch programs
  • education on personal security
  • empower individuals
  • reduce the risk of becoming victims of crime
  • synergistic approach
  • robust governmental measures
  • proactive steps
  • collaborative approach
  • foundation of security
  • aware and prepared citizenry
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