IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

increasing number of obese people. Should universities

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
We all have to agree that the number of obese humans
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 significantly increased over the past years. Numerous
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 suggest that universities should make sport a compulsory module
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 all study courses. In my opinion,
this
Linking Words
 is a great solution
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
Linking Words
 social problem.
This
Linking Words
 is because exercising is essential to your (mental)
health
Use synonyms
, and playing sports is good for young
proffesionals
Correct your spelling
professionals
 to develop their skills. To start with exercising is good for your
health
Use synonyms
. The number of people who
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 dealing with overweight has heavily increased.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, they do not exercise
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and often eat unhealthy food.
This
Linking Words
 is very concerning because the consequences of a bad
health
Use synonyms
conditon
Correct your spelling
condition
conditions
 are
catestrophic
Correct your spelling
catastrophic
.
For example
Linking Words
, the most common reason why people are dying
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 is because they are obese.
Adittionally
Correct your spelling
Additionally
, the more obese humans
, the
Add a missing verb
are, the
show examples
 higher the spending on healthcare. Another argument is that
students
Use synonyms
 experience a lot of pressure
on
Change preposition
from
show examples
 universities. The main reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
 is that
students
Use synonyms
 want the best grades. It is sometimes good to forget about the study and just play some sports together.
For instance
Linking Words
, people who exercise often, get higher grades at school. Opponents argue that it is the responsibility of the
students
Use synonyms
 to exercise.
However
Linking Words
, I have to disagree
on
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
Linking Words
 statement because numerous
students
Use synonyms
 have no time to work out, and exercising as a part of the course can help them to do some sports to stay healthy
To conclude
Linking Words
, making sport a compulsory module
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 all degree courses, have more pros than cons. It is better for the
health
Use synonyms
 of
students
Use synonyms
 and
students
Use synonyms
 will get
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
grade
Fix the agreement mistake
grades
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: