Some people believe young generation should follow traditions of their society; others,​ however, believe that young people should be free to make their own choice as individuals.​ Discuss both views

Many people argue that the young generation should connect with the culture in society
while
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others
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believe that they should make their own choices to show responsibility in their lives.
This
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essay will discuss both perspectives before giving reasons why minors must combine those ways to achieve their goals.
Firstly
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, one reason why minors should embrace cultural
traditions
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is that it promotes tolerance of differences. Learning tolerance provides an opportunity from an early age to practice how to properly accept the variety of
others
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with respect
instead
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of laughter or scorn.
Traditions
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also
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promote a feeling of belonging to a group with shared
traditions
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. Many
traditions
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are based on ethical teachings or life lessons. They can guide children in making wise choices, especially in challenging situations.
Conversely
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,
others
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believe children should make their own decisions because it helps them develop critical thinking and responsibility. When they make their own choices, they learn to think for themselves, weigh the consequences, and take responsibility for their actions.
This
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is how they become mature, independent adults. Another reason is young people can discover personal interests and talents. By choosing their own paths in education, hobbies, or careers, young people can explore what truly passionate about, rather than following a path chosen by
others
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. In conclusion,
although
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following
traditions
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is important because it promotes differences and a feeling of belonging, it
also
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needs to be in line with critical thinking and discovering the interests and talents of minors. I believe that a combination of these two ways is a better option for
young
Correct article usage
the young
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generation
build
Fix the infinitive
to build
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their personalities.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph clearly supports your main ideas. Start paragraphs with strong topic sentences.
task achievement
Use clearer examples to illustrate your points. This can help make your ideas stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid long sentences; keep them simple and direct for better understanding.
task achievement
You presented both views well, showing you understand the issue.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion.

Your opinion

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