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Writing Samples
Band 6

In order to reduce crime, we need to attack the cause of crime such as poverty and lack of educational opportunities. It’s not enough to simply have more police on the street and put more people into prison. Do you agree or disagree?

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It is undeniable that crime happens every day in each countries cause
people
Use synonyms
 to live uncomfortably. The government should be aware of and solve
this
Linking Words
 problem.
This
Linking Words
 issue will be examined in the following essay. Nowadays the amount of crime is increased by the most criminal come from
a poor families
Correct the article-noun agreement
poor families
a poor family
show examples
 or do not get an
education
Use synonyms
 appropriately. The major cause of
this
Linking Words
problemproblem
Correct your spelling
problem problem
 is inequality in society.
For example
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 rich person will learn school that
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is high-quality
due to
Linking Words
 those
must
Correct pronoun usage
who must
show examples
 spend a lot of money,
others
Correct word choice
while others
show examples
 who do have not money enough will get unsuitable knowledge or don’t
get
Correct pronoun usage
itget
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, some indigent person has insufficient income make them need to steal something from other in order to live or, in the worst case, they may make violence to take
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
stuff. The government should realise and manage the
education
Use synonyms
 system and so on.
For instance
Linking Words
, add the system of learning online
Change preposition
to
show examples
the school where there is not enough teacher and
providing
Wrong verb form
provide
show examples
 learning equipment for children.
However
Linking Words
, there was resolved
education
Use synonyms
 problem but the number of crimes rise because the police were not enough to catch the bad
people
Use synonyms
.
Thus
Linking Words
, increasing the number of police, especially in dangerous areas makes
people
Use synonyms
 feel too comfortable and reduced crime in communication. In conclusion,
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 close
such
Linking Words
 as poverty and lack of educational opportunities can some
people
Use synonyms
 to become criminals. In my opinion, should improve the
education
Use synonyms
 system so everyone
to learn
Change the verb form
learns
show examples
 equally because everyone will have a work and be able to live independently by not stealing things from others,and adding strict rules for catching a thief.

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Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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