IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8.5

37.Some people argue that parents of children who break the law should be punished in some way, because they are responsible for their children’s actions. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Recent years have witnessed a significant increase in the youth
crime
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 rate, causing widespread concern among the public. Under
such
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 circumstances, some contend that
parents
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 should be responsible or even punished for their
children
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's
actions
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. Personally, I hold a different perspective on
this
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 opinion and I believe that teenage lawbreakers should take all accountability for their offences. On the one hand, the idea that
parents
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 should be responsible for youngsters' malpractices is grounded in certain valid points. The proponents of
this
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 perspective argue that
parents
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 can serve as role models in shaping their kids' characteristics and behaviour. In fact, young
children
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 are likely to unconsciously imitate their parent's words and
actions
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 through a set of internal and external interactions.
Therefore
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, whether a child has a good personality and proper attitude mostly depends on the parent's background.
For example
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, a statistical report from the Canadian National
Crime
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 Prevention
Crime
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 revealed that individuals from families with a lack of order and discipline were 1.5 times more at risk of committing criminal activities than those from structured households.
On the other hand
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, I do believe that lawbreakers themselves, not their
parents
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, should be punished to ensure a justice system
that is
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 based on fairness and criminal deterrence.
Firstly
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, it is unfair for the community if offenders can escape legal punishment and continue their normal lives despite harming society. In fact, punishment is to let them understand the price of their
actions
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 and prevent potential crimes in the future.
Furthermore
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, if
parents
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 take all responsibility for their
children
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's misconduct, it can create misleading impacts on
children
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. They might understand that whatever unlawful
actions
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 they commit, they will not be bothered.
Secondly
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, threats of being punished may prevent the risk of other teenagers committing anti-social behaviour,
thus
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 making society a safer and more peaceful place. In conclusion,
although
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parents
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 may play a part in their
children
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's wrongdoings, they should not take a part or major responsibility for
this
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. I firmly believe that all lawbreakers, regardless of how old they are, should be punished to ensure the fairness of the legal system and prevent the potential increase in the youth
crime
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 rate.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure clarity when transitioning between paragraphs to maintain smooth flow and coherence.
task achievement
Though your essay effectively addresses various perspectives, remember to clearly state your own stance early to guide the reader.
coherence cohesion
You've done an exceptional job structuring your essay with clear introductions, well-supported arguments, and a concise conclusion.
task achievement
Your use of relevant examples and statistics significantly strengthens your argument, demonstrating a thorough understanding of the topic.
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