IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people work for the same organisation all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organisations. Disscuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #work #organisation #life #organisations #disscuss
There are various career paths for
people
 nowadays.
Although
 some
people
 do the
job
 for
one
company
 throughout their working life, others believe that it is more beneficial to change their workplaces. In my opinion, I believe that working for the same organisation is a good way to get promoted quickly and have
job
security
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
while
 changing the
company
 can bring a good opportunity to create more
connections
. In the following paragraphs, the reasons to support my opinion will be discussed in detail. On the
one
 hand, working for
one
company
 make someone get a promotion quickly
along with
 a sense of
job
security
. Put simply, if an employee works for the
company
 for a long time, he or she will have more chances to do many important projects, resulting in outstanding performance and professional experiences.
As a result
, they will have an opportunity to get promoted easily rather than others outside the
company
 who may not have enough experience for that
company
.
Moreover
, getting promoted makes workers stay and continued working for the same
company
 because the
security
 of their work is part of
job
 satisfaction.
On the other hand
, doing the
job
 in different companies makes
people
 get a variety of experiences. Importantly, a chance to expand the
connections
 that might be essential in the next future day. Take,
for example
, changing jobs to other organisations
make
Fix the infinitive
to make
show examples
 someone know more
people
, representing new
connections
.
This
 will benefit some
people
 who want to do something in the future and need aid from many stakeholders to finish the project.
As a result
,
it is clear that
 working in different enterprises give more chance to expand
connections
. In conclusion, whether working for
one
 or many organisations is a good way but it is in different aspects.
However
, it is better to do a
job
 in the same organisation if desiring
job
security
 or longing to get a promotion quickly,
whereas
 it is more beneficial for
people
 who want to expand their connection to work in different companies.
Submitted by Taninnuch.tha on

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Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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