IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Children nowadays watch significantly more television than those in the past, which reduces their activity levels accordingly. Why is this the case? What measures can you suggest to encourage higher levels of activüy among children? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience.

#children #television #activity #levels #case #measures #activüy
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There is no denying that
due to
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 technological ,progress there is numerous of entertainment content on
tv
Use synonyms
.
This
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 factor plays a pivotal role in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
shaping
of
Change preposition
apply
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the physical and mental development of
children
Use synonyms
 and adolescents. There are growing concerns nowadays over the amount of date
spending
Wrong verb form
spent
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 heir on watching television. In
this
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 essay, I will try to explore
this
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 issue and consider some measures to solve
this
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 problem. It is worth noticing that modern heir can handle
tv
Use synonyms
 and use youtube applications on
TV
Use synonyms
 where they can watch viral videos. By spending multiple hours
on
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apply
show examples
watching useless videos
children
Use synonyms
 lost their interest in more healthy activities
such
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 as football, basketball and other sports. First and foremost to overcome
this
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 issue, adults should be
as
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apply
show examples
role models for their offspring and reduce the
time
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which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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they waste
on
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apply
show examples
watching
TV
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.
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Furthermore
Add a comma
,Furthermore
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 parents should track
quantity
Add an article
the quantity
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 of
time
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which
Correct word choice
that
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children
Use synonyms
 wasting on watching
TV
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. It is essential to limit views of
TV
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 for
children
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otherwise
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 they will not acquire any
interests
Fix the agreement mistake
interest
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on
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in
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another activity
Fix the agreement mistake
other activities
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 except television and
Correct article usage
the intenet
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intenet
Correct your spelling
internet
.
For
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instance
Add a comma
,instance
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 my
children
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 can play and use their smartphones
only
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for only
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 one hour per day,
as
Correct word choice
and as
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Add an article
a result
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result
Add a comma
,result
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 they have many hobbies namely doing sports and playing chess. In conclusion,
it is clear that
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 today's
children
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more
Add a missing verb
are more
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 prone to watch
TV
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 owing to
diversity
Add an article
the diversity
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 of funny content.
However
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 a lot of things depend on parents,
obviously
Add a comma
,obviously
show examples
 they should allocate more
time
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 to spend
the
Change the word
their
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 leisure
time
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on
Change preposition
apply
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playing with their
children
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 and contribute
on
Change preposition
to
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 their nurture.
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Also
Add a comma
,Also
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 it is important to count how long
children
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 watch
tv
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 and limit
this
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time
Use synonyms
. With joint
effort
Add a comma
,effort
show examples
 people can make good next generation.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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