Children nowadays watch significantly more television than those in the past, which reduces their activity levels accordingly. Why is this the case? What measures can you suggest to encourage higher levels of activüy among children? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience.

#children #television #activity #levels #case #measures #activüy

There is no denying that

due to

technological ,progress there is numerous of entertainment content on

This

factor plays a pivotal role in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

shaping

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the physical and mental development of

children

and adolescents. There are growing concerns nowadays over the amount of date

spending

Wrong verb form

spent

show examples

heir on watching television. In

this

essay, I will try to explore

this

issue and consider some measures to solve

this

problem. It is worth noticing that modern heir can handle

and use youtube applications on

where they can watch viral videos. By spending multiple hours

Change preposition

apply

show examples

watching useless videos

children

lost their interest in more healthy activities

such

as football, basketball and other sports. First and foremost to overcome

this

issue, adults should be

Change preposition

apply

show examples

role models for their offspring and reduce the

time

which

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

they waste

Change preposition

apply

show examples

watching

Furthermore

Add a comma

,Furthermore

show examples

parents should track

quantity

Add an article

the quantity

show examples

time

which

Correct word choice

that

show examples

children

wasting on watching

. It is essential to limit views of

for

children

otherwise

they will not acquire any

interests

Fix the agreement mistake

interest

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

another activity

Fix the agreement mistake

other activities

show examples

except television and

Correct article usage

the intenet

show examples

intenet

Correct your spelling

internet

For

instance

Add a comma

,instance

show examples

children

can play and use their smartphones

only

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for only

show examples

one hour per day,

Correct word choice

and as

show examples

Add an article

a result

show examples

result

Add a comma

,result

show examples

they have many hobbies namely doing sports and playing chess. In conclusion,

it is clear that

today's

children

Add a missing verb

are more

show examples

prone to watch

owing to

diversity

Add an article

the diversity

show examples

of funny content.

However

a lot of things depend on parents,

obviously

Add a comma

,obviously

show examples

they should allocate more

time

to spend

the

Change the word

their

show examples

leisure

time

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apply

show examples

playing with their

children

and contribute

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show examples

their nurture.

Also

Add a comma

,Also

show examples

it is important to count how long

children

watch

and limit

this

time

. With joint

effort

Add a comma

,effort

show examples

people can make good next generation.

Submitted by dias-orazbaev on Thu Feb 23 2023

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Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
28Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

276 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

nuclear power is far too dangerous; therefore, countries should ban its use and concentrate instead on developing alternative sources such as hydroelectric power and solar energy. To what extent do you agree?

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Some people think that zoos are cruel and should be closed down. Others, however, believe that zoos can be useful in protecting wild animals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people say that we shouldn't be so dependent on computers. To what extent do you agree or disagree.