Some people think that students should focus on a few subjects, while others believe that students should study a wide range of subjects. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Concentrating on some specific curriculum might be a better choice for
students
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, but others insist they need to gain various kinds of knowledge. I prefer people who can obtain spacious courses when they are at
school
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. Specializing in small subjects has many advantages.
Firstly
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,
students
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will not need to spend quantities of energy on learning, which lets them have enough time to enjoy their
life
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lives
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when they are young.
Secondly
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, fewer courses
also
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reduce the outcome of relevant educational books and it will be a good thing for these poor families.
Finally
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, when more concentration is on these specific subjects,
students
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will become more sophisticated.
For example
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, when I was in high
school
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, I majored in science and engineering classes.
Such
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fewer classes made me able to obtain higher scores and be more professional. So when I graduate, I can find a relevant job. I prefer to choose rich courses. The reason is that it will offer more opportunities to help
students
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find what they are really interested in.
Finding
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out what your hobbies benefit your whole life.
Besides
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, through different types of learning, you will discover the interesting, wonderful and rich things in the world.
For example
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, my friend found out after working that he was really interested in music, but his high
school
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did not have
this
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course. If the
school
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could offer
this
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course,
then
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he would be able to find his interest earlier. In conclusion, having more choices when
students
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are learning will be useful for their future and impact the rest of their lives.
Submitted by xiaxia2233 on

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coherence cohesion
Try to improve the logical flow by using more transitional phrases to link ideas between paragraphs.
task achievement
Provide more detailed and specific examples to support your points and make your argument more convincing.
introduction conclusion
Strong introduction and conclusion that clearly state your opinion and summarize the main points.
task achievement
Addresses both views in a balanced manner and provides your own opinion clearly.
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