Some people think that students should focus on a few subjects, while others believe that students should study a wide range of subjects. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #students #focus #subjects #study #range

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Concentrating on some specific curriculum might be a better choice for

students

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, but others insist they need to gain various kinds of knowledge. I prefer people who can obtain spacious courses when they are at

school

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. Specializing in small subjects has many advantages.

Firstly

Linking Words

students

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will not need to spend quantities of energy on learning, which lets them have enough time to enjoy their

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

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when they are young.

Secondly

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, fewer courses

also

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reduce the outcome of relevant educational books and it will be a good thing for these poor families.

Finally

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, when more concentration is on these specific subjects,

students

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will become more sophisticated.

For example

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, when I was in high

school

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, I majored in science and engineering classes.

Such

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fewer classes made me able to obtain higher scores and be more professional. So when I graduate, I can find a relevant job. I prefer to choose rich courses. The reason is that it will offer more opportunities to help

students

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find what they are really interested in.

Finding

Wrong verb form

Find

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out what your hobbies benefit your whole life.

Besides

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, through different types of learning, you will discover the interesting, wonderful and rich things in the world.

For example

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, my friend found out after working that he was really interested in music, but his high

school

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did not have

this

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course. If the

school

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could offer

this

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course,

then

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he would be able to find his interest earlier. In conclusion, having more choices when

students

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are learning will be useful for their future and impact the rest of their lives.

Submitted by xiaxia2233 on Fri Dec 02 2022

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coherence cohesion

Try to improve the logical flow by using more transitional phrases to link ideas between paragraphs.

task achievement

Provide more detailed and specific examples to support your points and make your argument more convincing.

introduction conclusion

Strong introduction and conclusion that clearly state your opinion and summarize the main points.

task achievement

Addresses both views in a balanced manner and provides your own opinion clearly.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

258 words

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