Nowadays people have to work for longer hours under stressful conditions. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Suggest the way by which the job conditions can be improved

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Many people argue that workers have become more and more stressed in their workplaces with longer working hours. In my view, I totally agree with

this

Linking Words

statement because of a realistic reason,

along with

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two suggestions which might be able to improve the situation.

First,

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in order to maintain their living standard, citizens need to

work

Use synonyms

harder to earn more money. Not only is inflation getting higher and higher in some developed nations

such

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as Britain, but

also

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society is becoming more competitive because of an increasing number of teenagers holding higher academic achievement. Workers, especially those who are not in favour of the stock market for earning extra money, may put more effort into

work

Use synonyms

, creating great value and proving that they are still "worthy" of a company.

Therefore

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, they may think that there is full of stress and anxiety. Obviously, if a person lives in

this

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situation for a long period, it is definitely unhealthy both mentally and physically. The government is able and capable

to implement

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of implementing

show examples

some regulations to control it.

For example

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, standard labour time may be an effective way to improve the issue, giving a scientific reference for employers to regulate employees' working hours.

Furthermore

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, a "worker-friendly" environment can be created by employers themselves. Managers can listen to staff's opinions actively, and, in doing so, change the company's policies if necessary.

Finally

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, subordinators can

work

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in a relatively comfortable working circumstance, getting a higher sense of belonging. In summary, the underlying cause of

this

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issue is a financial matter. If the government and employers can

work

Use synonyms

together, it can be improved apparently.

Submitted by sam132457 on Thu Feb 23 2023

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coherence cohesion

The essay demonstrates a good level of coherence and cohesion, with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, some of the main points could be further developed to improve the overall structure.

task response

The response addresses the task adequately and presents clear and comprehensive ideas, supported by relevant examples. However, the essay could benefit from further development and elaboration of the main points to fully meet the requirements of the task.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

267 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

stressful conditions
technological advancement
competitive work environments
work-life balance
flexible work hours
wellness programs
culture of appreciation
remote work
unnecessary workloads
job satisfaction
regular breaks
productivity
time management
stress resilience

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