Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however say that this would have little effect on public health and other measures are required.
It is argued that enhancing the
sports
centers
leads to improving public Change the spelling
centres
health
. However
, some believe that other more effective options are possible, the debate will be discussed in this
essay, and I am going to give a concluding view at the end
.
On the one hand, physical activity is beneficial for individuals mentally and physically, and the numerous number
of gyms and sports
facilities is one of the factors encouraging people to exercise. These activities help to prevent chronic diseases such
as heart disease and obesity. Although
providing a suitable environment with invaluable facilities and personal trainers is deceiving for people to join sports
clubs, affording these features is impossible for a noticeable share of society, and it is logical to consider other alternatives.
By contrast
, opponents mention that simply increasing the number
of sports
amenities is not enough and other factors should be considered such
as upgrading healthcare infrastructures and public awareness about healthy diets. Firstly
, a rise in the number
of medical treatment devices and doctors is a way to check the health
status of society's members. For instance
, sending doctors to a rural area in Shiraz, increased public health
by 25% and reduced the number
of patients in terms of illnesses such
as diabetes and heart attacks. Secondly
, public alert about the drawbacks of smoking, drinking beverages, and having an unhealthy diet is a better solution to achieve a higher rate of fitness and health
. For example
, educating people about the effects of healthy and organic ingredients encourages them to avoid consuming junk food, or teenagers to avoid trying smoking in adulthood as they know the harmful impacts on their brains.
In conclusion, building sports
centers
solely is not practical, and I believe other remedies are necessary along the quantity, improving Change the spelling
centres
health
services and public awareness seems to be more logiacl
and beneficialCorrect your spelling
logical
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task achievement
Ensure that you fully address all parts of the task. The essay slightly diverts from a clear discussion of how sports facilities might directly influence public health, with more emphasis on alternative measures than the direct impact of the facilities themselves.
task achievement
Make sure to develop your ideas fully and provide more detailed examples to demonstrate your points. The essay provided some examples, but they lacked depth and development.
coherence cohesion
Organize your ideas logically and make sure that each paragraph has a clear central topic. While the essay has a recognizable structure, transitions between ideas could be clearer.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear and cohesive flow of ideas throughout the essay. Use a range of cohesive devices effectively to aid coherence, and avoid repetitiveness.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with fully developed ideas, explanations, and relevant examples. Some points in the essay are mentioned without depth or detailed support.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic
Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.
You essay structure should look something like this:
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – Problems
- Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- One of the first problems of the...
- Another problem that needs to be considered...
- A possible solution to this problem would be...
- One immediate practical solution is to...