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Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

Many students take part-time jobs while studying in universities. Do you think it is a good idea or a bad idea?

#students #jobs #universities #idea
Some people do extra jobs during the period that learning in university. In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 it is
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 worst idea to
done
Change the form of the verb
do
show examples
 it. There are two
disadventage
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
disadvantage
 of
take
Change the verb form
taking
show examples
 part-time jobs
while
 studying
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 universities. First
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
Add an article
a student
the student
show examples
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 will have less time to read books and to do more practises,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 might affect their study,
they
Correct word choice
and they
show examples
 might
failed
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fail
show examples
 the exam or had
low
Add an article
a low
show examples
grade
Fix the agreement mistake
grades
show examples
. Second
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
they would have problem with
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 friend and their relationship might turn bad because they
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 no time to spend with
friend
Add an article
a friend
show examples
. Why
some
Add a missing verb
are some
show examples
 students still working
although
 it is bad for
theirself
Correct your spelling
themselves
show examples
? The reason is they need more money to
paid
Wrong verb form
pay
show examples
 fees. Not everyone
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 enough fund for using
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 life. There are various
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
costs during the time that
study
Change the verb form
studies
show examples
 in university
such
 as
uniform
Fix the agreement mistake
uniforms
show examples
 and books. Because of
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of capital, they have to find more
fund
Fix the agreement mistake
funds
show examples
 to support those fees. Hopefully, there will ways to help those people in future.
Submitted by nuchnapa.anna on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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