IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the places visited by different people living in Canada. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the places visited by different people living in Canada. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#places #people #canada #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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This
Linking Words
 bar chart depicts
proportion
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the proportion
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 of places visited by three different groups of
people
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live
Wrong verb form
living
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 in
Canada
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. It is clear from the graph
that is
Linking Words
 who are either from English-speaking
countries
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 or born in
Canada
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 prefer going cinema
while
Linking Words
 migrants from other
region
Fix the agreement mistake
regions
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 tend to visit the
library
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. For all groups, the least
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
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 place is the theatre. In terms of cinema, 70% of the local Canadians go to the cinema , which is a fifth higher than the new migrants from other
countries
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.
This
Linking Words
 is followed by the new migrants from English - speaking
countries
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 about 65%. As we can see at
theatre
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the theatre
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,
this
Linking Words
 place is unpopular in
Canada
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 with a minority of
people
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 from other
countries
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 visiting here which is just
a
Correct article usage
apply
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half of Canadian theatre-goers.
Similar
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A similar
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 pattern can be seen in
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a zoo
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zoo
Fix the agreement mistake
zoos
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, most of the visitors are from English-speaking nations and
Correct article usage
the original
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original
Change the word
originally
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Use synonyms
Canada
Change preposition
from Canada
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 with 50% and 42% respectively
while
Linking Words
 those
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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from other nations occupy
for
Change preposition
up
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 35% of the total visitors.
to sum up
Linking Words
, we could say the
library
Use synonyms
 is the second place that
people
Use synonyms
 from other
countries
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 go to.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 a little more than half of new
migrates
Replace the word
migrants
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 born in other
countries
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 choose
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Correct article usage
the library
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library
Fix the agreement mistake
libraries
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 to spend their time,
while
Linking Words
 40% of English-speaking
migrates
Replace the word
migrants
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 and 35% of
people
Use synonyms
 born in
Canada
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 like to spend their time in
Use synonyms
Add an article
the library
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library
Fix the agreement mistake
libraries
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.
Submitted by keekrztop on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, canada, countries, library with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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