IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people argue that government should spend on their money elderly people care. However, other people say that government should focus more education for young people. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #government #money #care #focus #education
In the world, Even
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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small things have their
on
Correct your spelling
own
show examples
 rights. It is a common public opinion that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 Authorities should dedicate their money
for
Change preposition
to
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 old age care.
While
 Others say that,
government
 give more concentration
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 young
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 education.
Therefore
,
following
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
 paragraph, will explain both views and my views and will reach a proper conclusion. In the modern era, Education plays an important role in the development of the world and economy. Youngsters are the future of society. So, the main aim of the
Government
,
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apply
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 is to educate the upcoming generation. Nowadays, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 significant growth in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
education.
For instance
, a survey conducted by the educational board in 2018. There was a drastic change in educated
people
. The data showing from the period 2010 to 2016, 95% of Youth attended
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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college. But few of them are still not attending their schooling, Not because of their incapability
because
Correct word choice
but because
show examples
 of their financial crisis. The majority are from tribal areas. So
Government
 should build more public schools for children and
also
, they should control the private school fees. A law should Implement for
this
.
On the other hand
, it is our responsibility is to take care
elder
Change preposition
of elder
show examples
people
. Most
of
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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elder
people
likes
Change the verb form
like
show examples
 to live
wiith
Correct your spelling
with
 their family. But
due to
 some circumstances, They should force to leave in
oldage
Correct your spelling
old age
old-age
 homes.
For example
, a bedridden mother needs more attention from
family
Correct article usage
the family
show examples
 but
family
Correct article usage
the family
show examples
 is not willing to dedicate their time
for
Change preposition
to
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this
 person.
In addition
 to
this
, many adults are not ready to take care
their
Change preposition
of their
show examples
 parents. For them, it is really helpful, if there is
a
Change the article
an
show examples
oldage
Correct your spelling
old age
old-age
 home. So,
Government
 should focus on
this
. They should allocate
sum
Correct article usage
a sum
show examples
 amount for
this
 too.
To conclude
, From my point of view, elders and youngsters are equally important to the world. It is
basic
Add an article
a basic
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 human need.
Government
 should give importance to Both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
issues. Hopefully, in the
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
future
this
 argument will vanish
Submitted by anjualex444 on

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