Some people think that children should not use mobile phones. Others believe that using mobile phones has many benefits for children. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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It is a well-known fact that mobile
phones
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play a significant role in people's lives, especially in the lives of
children
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.
However
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, whether mobile
phones
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are more beneficial or not has become a hotly debated issue among people from every walk of life. I firmly believe that mobile
phones
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have both positive and negative
effects
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on most
children
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.
To begin
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with, on the one hand, mobile
phones
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have brought a significant change in
children
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's lifestyles.
Firstly
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, they offer many opportunities, allowing easy communication and enabling
children
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to stay in touch with their family and friends.
In addition
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, mobile
phones
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provide entertainment,
such
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as playing games, which helps
children
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reduce daily stress.
Moreover
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, they give access to educational platforms like Quizlet or Promova, where students can improve their knowledge and study more effectively.
For example
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, when I was a university student, I used these applications, particularly Quizlet, to study more efficiently and achieve higher grades. Thanks to
such
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platforms, learning has become more interactive and enjoyable for students.
On the other hand
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, there are some negative
effects
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of using mobile
phones
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. Nowadays, a great number of
children
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spend long hours looking at their phone screens.
This
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is because they do not want to miss new trends on social media platforms
such
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as Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok.
As a result
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, these
children
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are exposed to harmful blue light, which can cause certain health problems.
For instance
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, my cousin, who is a bit younger than me, spends a huge amount of time playing games on her mobile phone. Unfortunately, she now has to wear prescription glasses
due to
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eye strain. In conclusion, mobile
phones
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have both positive and negative
effects
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on
children
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.
While
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they can be distracting, they
also
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provide safety and learning opportunities. I believe that
children
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should be allowed to use mobile
phones
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, but parents should control their screen time to avoid negative
effects
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.

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coherence and cohesion
Consider improving the logical flow by using more cohesive devices to link ideas between paragraphs.
task achievement
While your examples are relevant, you could add more varied examples to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Ensure that any counterargument is addressed more explicitly, which can enhance the depth of your discussion.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly outlines the issue and provides a balanced view, setting a good tone for the essay.
task achievement
You have effectively used personal examples to illustrate your points, making the argument more relatable.
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