IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people spent most of their lives living close to where they were born. What might be the reason for this? What are the advantages and disadvantages?

#people #lives #reason
In recent decades it is been observed that
people
 are immigrating to a new
place
 from where they are born and brought up. But
also
 most of them
tried
Add the particle
totried
show examples
 make it up by not shifting to a far distance rather than living in close
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
urban areas which gives ease of transportation to the
place
 where they are born. In
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 we will be discussing
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the cause, advantages and disadvantages of living close to our born
place
.
Firstly
,
this
 trend is seen in young professionals who intend to
purse
Correct your spelling
pursue
show examples
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 in the professional path.
This
 happens when they attend few educational degrees whose job opportunities demand them to shift to
new
Add an article
a new
show examples
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
 where they have
high
Add an article
a high
show examples
 chance of getting employed. To
purse
Correct your spelling
pursue
show examples
 these jobs folks try to get
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 at the nearby urban places or places which are very much close to the
place
 where they were born and
brought-up
Correct your spelling
brought up
show examples
.
Secondly
, few
people
 will be shifting from sub-urban or villages to urban areas where there is
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
 chance of getting
quality
Add an article
a quality
show examples
 education for their offspring to lead
good
Add an article
a good
the good
show examples
 life in future without losing connection and affection to the
place
 where they are born.
Consequently
, pros and cons are present in their own ways. As an advantage there will be professional growth and recognition in the field of acquired degree
also
, independence of living one’s own life will be acquired
along with
 exploration
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 various opportunities and mingling with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other
people
 just like them can lead to
independent
Replace the word
independence
show examples
, organized and
open minded
Add a hyphen
open-minded
show examples
 lifestyle. Apart from these
pros
Add a comma
,pros
show examples
 there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
also
 cons which
needs
Change the verb form
need
show examples
 to be looked at like
homesick
Replace the word
homesickness
show examples
 which leads to
distract
Change the verb form
distracting
show examples
ourselves
Correct pronoun usage
us
show examples
 from having dedication towards the job which is giving bread and butter. These might
also
 loosen the connection between the family members,
cultures
Correct word choice
and cultures
show examples
 that we
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
used
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
from the child. Since we are looking into the new world where these values might not be values enough or
they’re
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
 customs would be different.
To conclude
,
although
 we face cons in shifting to the nearby
place
 which can be bear by the advantages that we are looking at. As
people
says
Change the verb form
say
show examples
 everything comes at
cost
Add an article
a cost
show examples
, in order to gain something we have to come out of our comfort zone and explore ourselves to bring out the best version of our personality.
Submitted by nlchiranth11 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Migration
  • Settlement
  • Hometown
  • Roots
  • Community
  • Emotional attachment
  • Sense of familiarity
  • Social network
  • Bond
  • Safety
  • Proximity
  • Support system
  • Heritage
  • Limited options
  • Risk aversion
  • Adaptability
  • Comfort zone
  • Unfamiliarity
  • Exploration
  • Adventurous spirit
What to do next:
Look at other essays: