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Writing Samples
Band 7

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

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There is no doubt that we are living in an era in which most
children
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 are taught that hard
work
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 will help them achieve their goals more than ever before. On one hand, telling
children
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 that they can achieve their goals through hard
work
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 rather than innate talents has many benefits. It can inspire
children
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 who doubt themselves and help them overcome challenges.
For instance
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, learning a second language is hard and takes time, but
children
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 can improve their skills if they
work
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 hard.
This
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 can
also
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 develop a positive mindset and resilience in
children
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, which are important for their future.
On the other hand
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, the idea that hard
work
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 guarantees success can
also
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 be misleading and harmful in some cases. Sometimes, hard
work
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 is not enough and
children
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 need to recognize their strengths and weaknesses.
For example
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, a child who wants to be a professional singer may not have the natural talent for it.
Instead
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 of wasting time and effort on voice training that may not
work
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, they could find other ways to use their talents and achieve success. The same goes for painting, which requires a unique sense of aesthetics that cannot be learned by hard
work
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 alone. If
children
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 ignore
this
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 reality, they may end up feeling frustrated, deluded, or even mentally ill.
To sum up
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, teaching
children
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 that hard
work
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 leads to success can motivate them and help them cope with difficulties.
However
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,
this
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 message can
also
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 backfire in situations where hard
work
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 is not the main factor.
Children
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 need to balance hard
work
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 with realistic expectations and self-awareness.

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Task Response
To improve Task Response, ensure that the essay fully addresses all parts of the task. This includes discussing both advantages and disadvantages in equal measure and providing clear examples to support your points. Consider expanding on each disadvantage mentioned to fully explore the complexity of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance Coherence and Cohesion, work on creating a clear and logical flow of ideas. This can be achieved by using a variety of linking words and phrases to connect sentences and paragraphs, and by clearly organizing the essay into paragraphs with topic sentences that introduce the main idea of each paragraph.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • achieve
  • try hard
  • positive mindset
  • self-belief
  • motivates
  • ambitious goals
  • resilience
  • determination
  • confidence
  • self-esteem
  • growth mindset
  • unrealistic expectations
  • disappointment
  • failure
  • effort
  • hard work
  • seek support
  • individual differences
  • abilities
  • capabilities
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