Some feel that it is important for all adults to engage in the arts in the free time as a hobby. Others disagree. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

There is an ongoing debate about what kinds of activities adults ought to participate in during their free time.
While
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some emphasise the importance of
arts
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-related
hobbies
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, others believe that leisure pursuits should be regarded as a matter of personal choice.
This
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essay will discuss both perspectives before giving a personal view. Engaging in the
arts
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can help reduce stress and anxiety. Many individuals may barely get proper rest and work full-time jobs in a stressful environment, causing problems with both physical and mental health. Research suggests that most of the mental health patients are office workers because of long-term workload without appropriate methods to express emotions.
Therefore
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, the
arts
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can be a medium to release their minds and emotions,
such
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as playing instruments, painting, and dancing.
In addition
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,
such
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hobbies
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also
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enhance creativity and develop problem-solving skills.
On the other hand
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, many people disagree that the
arts
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are essential for all adults.
This
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is mostly because artistic pursuits are not appealing to everyone, and encouraging individuals to engage in them may fail to deliver genuine benefits. Others may prefer more
pratical
Correct your spelling
practical
and physically active
hobbies
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,
such
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as sports and gardening, which they consider equally fulfilling in their leisure time.
For instance
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, people who play tennis are generally happier and healthier than those without any
hobbies
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. In conclusion, the
arts
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uniquely
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are uniquely
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effective in allowing individuals to express their emotions.
However
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, in my opinion, spending free time on pursuits aligned with personal preference is more important, as everyone has their own way of maintaining well-being.

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improvement
Add a clear view at the start or end to show your own view.
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Make each paragraph start with a clear topic sentence.
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Link ideas with simple words like 'also', 'but', 'however', 'for example'.
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Give more precise examples that match the point.
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Check grammar and sentence form to avoid mistakes that hide meaning.
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Use shorter sentences to improve easy reading.
structure
You present both sides and give a view at the end.
content
There are examples like sport to back up points.
structure
There is an opening and a closing that match the task.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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