Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#celebrities #glamour #wealth #achievements #sets #people

Nowadays, it is true that lots of famous

celebrities

are known for their glamour and

wealth

Replace the word

wealthy

show examples

lifestyle

rather than for their talents and achievements.

While

I agree that these

celebrities

set a bad example for the young generation, I believe that other stars are

well known

Add a hyphen

well-known

show examples

Change preposition

for

show examples

their significant achievements. On the one hand, it is undeniable fact that many famous

people

become popular by their fancy

lifestyle

without really working for it. They may have money from their parents or they may have appeared on a reality TV programme by showing their wealth and glamour

lifestyle

. A good example would be

family

Correct article usage

the family

show examples

of Kardashians who

are

Change the verb form

show examples

famous for their reality show, which mostly shows their luxuries, party,

shopaholic

Correct word choice

and shopaholic

show examples

lifestyle

This

type of

behavior

Change the spelling

behaviour

show examples

would be a negative influence on young

people

that success can be achieved easily without working and studying.

On the other hand

, there are many

celebrities

who are popular for their incredible acts and performance which makes them

excellent

Add an article

an excellent

show examples

role

model

Fix the agreement mistake

models

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for young

people

. These

people

have shown that they worked hard and applied themselves to develop their skills and abilities. They demonstrate to

young

Correct article usage

the young

show examples

generation a great effort and determination which are necessary to be truly successful in their field. One of the examples would be

Correct article usage

the

show examples

great singer Dimash Kudaibergen, who has become famous

for

Change preposition

around

show examples

whole

Change the article

the whole

show examples

world because of his hard work and years of practice.

This

kind of

celebrities

Fix the agreement mistake

celebrity

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can inspire youth to develop their talents through

persistent

Replace the word

persistence

show examples

and

being

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

diligent

Replace the word

diligence

show examples

Change preposition

toward

show examples

their

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

succeed

Replace the word

success

show examples

. In conclusion,

while

there some

celebrities

have a negative impact on

youngers

Correct your spelling

younger

show examples

, I believe that there are other

celebrities

who are examples of hard work and determination and they are a great role model for young

people

Submitted by Allazhar on Fri Feb 24 2023

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Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

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3Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
21Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

288 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.5

Complete response

5.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

glamour
wealth
achievements
portrayed
overshadow
influenced
lifestyles
unrealistic
expectations
values
promoting
hard work
perseverance
inspire
positive impact

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Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy?

In order to study at university students are required to pay expensive tuition fees. Not all students can afford them so some people think that university education should be free for every one. To what extent do you agree?

Many people believe that scientific research should be carried out and controlled by governments rather than private companies. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The best way to understand other cultures is to work for a multinational organization. To what extent do you agree or disagree?