Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#celebrities #glamour #wealth #achievements #sets #people

Nowadays, it is true that lots of famous

celebrities

are known for their glamour and

wealth

Replace the word

wealthy

show examples

lifestyle

rather than for their talents and achievements.

While

I agree that these

celebrities

set a bad example for the young generation, I believe that other stars are

well known

Add a hyphen

well-known

show examples

Change preposition

for

show examples

their significant achievements. On the one hand, it is undeniable fact that many famous

people

become popular by their fancy

lifestyle

without really working for it. They may have money from their parents or they may have appeared on a reality TV programme by showing their wealth and glamour

lifestyle

. A good example would be

family

Correct article usage

the family

show examples

of Kardashians who

are

Change the verb form

show examples

famous for their reality show, which mostly shows their luxuries, party,

shopaholic

Correct word choice

and shopaholic

show examples

lifestyle

This

type of

behavior

Change the spelling

behaviour

show examples

would be a negative influence on young

people

that success can be achieved easily without working and studying.

On the other hand

, there are many

celebrities

who are popular for their incredible acts and performance which makes them

excellent

Add an article

an excellent

show examples

role

model

Fix the agreement mistake

models

show examples

for young

people

. These

people

have shown that they worked hard and applied themselves to develop their skills and abilities. They demonstrate to

young

Correct article usage

the young

show examples

generation a great effort and determination which are necessary to be truly successful in their field. One of the examples would be

Correct article usage

the

show examples

great singer Dimash Kudaibergen, who has become famous

for

Change preposition

around

show examples

whole

Change the article

the whole

show examples

world because of his hard work and years of practice.

This

kind of

celebrities

Fix the agreement mistake

celebrity

show examples

can inspire youth to develop their talents through

persistent

Replace the word

persistence

show examples

and

being

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

diligent

Replace the word

diligence

show examples

Change preposition

toward

show examples

their

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

succeed

Replace the word

success

show examples

. In conclusion,

while

there some

celebrities

have a negative impact on

youngers

Correct your spelling

younger

show examples

, I believe that there are other

celebrities

who are examples of hard work and determination and they are a great role model for young

people

Submitted by Allazhar on Fri Feb 24 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

3Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
21Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

288 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.5

Complete response

5.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

Topic Vocabulary:

glamour
wealth
achievements
portrayed
overshadow
influenced
lifestyles
unrealistic
expectations
values
promoting
hard work
perseverance
inspire
positive impact

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

4.5
band
Nowadays, many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organization. Why might be this case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?
These days, people are used to be self-employed rather than serving to a company or organization. This is mainly because of the stressful condition of the companies. However, there are certain disadvantages associated with being self-employed especially, high risk of collapsing and need of investing more money initially.
<4
band
some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their first training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer.
In this contemporary epoch,people are becoming workaholics.However,there are two predominantly contrasting views whereas a section of society claims that professionals like doctors and engineers,should do their jobs in the nation where they accomplished their internship while others emphasize that they should be independent to do their duties in desired country.I am of the opinion that medical practitoners and architectures should be permitted to work in any country.
6.5
band
Some people prefer to spend their lives doing the same things and avoiding changes. Others, However, think that change is always a good thing. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
We live in an age when many of us stick to our daily routines and avoid change. Even so, some people believe that it’s always better to develop our lives. This essay will discuss both views and give my own opinion.
6
band
Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement ?
We can divide countries as developed, developing and poor according to infrastructure facilities and any other guides relevant to categorization. Most governments spend a lot of money on railways than public roads. In this essay, I would like to briefly explain the reasons; for fully agreeing with this topic.
4
band
University should accept equal number of male and female students in every subject. To what extent do you agree and disagree?
Nowadays, studying in university increasingly popular which have many subjects for their students. Same number of male and female student need to be accepted by university. This essay will discuss why accepting students based on their interest is entirely necessary, despite any gender.

Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

Nowadays, many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organization. Why might be this case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?

Some people prefer to spend their lives doing the same things and avoiding changes. Others, However, think that change is always a good thing. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement ?

University should accept equal number of male and female students in every subject. To what extent do you agree and disagree?