IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#celebrities #glamour #wealth #achievements #sets #people
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Nowadays, it is true that lots of famous
celebrities
Use synonyms
 are known for their glamour and
wealth
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wealthy
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lifestyle
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 rather than for their talents and achievements.
While
Linking Words
 I agree that these
celebrities
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 set a bad example for the young generation, I believe that other stars are
well known
Add a hyphen
well-known
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by
Change preposition
for
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 their significant achievements. On the one hand, it is undeniable fact that many famous
people
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 become popular by their fancy
lifestyle
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 without really working for it. They may have money from their parents or they may have appeared on a reality TV programme by showing their wealth and glamour
lifestyle
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. A good example would be
family
Correct article usage
the family
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 of Kardashians who
are
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is
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 famous for their reality show, which mostly shows their luxuries, party,
shopaholic
Correct word choice
and shopaholic
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lifestyle
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.
This
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 type of
behavior
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behaviour
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 would be a negative influence on young
people
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 that success can be achieved easily without working and studying.
On the other hand
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, there are many
celebrities
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 who are popular for their incredible acts and performance which makes them
excellent
Add an article
an excellent
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 role
model
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models
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 for young
people
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. These
people
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 have shown that they worked hard and applied themselves to develop their skills and abilities. They demonstrate to
young
Correct article usage
the young
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 generation a great effort and determination which are necessary to be truly successful in their field. One of the examples would be
a
Correct article usage
the
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 great singer Dimash Kudaibergen, who has become famous
for
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around
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whole
Change the article
the whole
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 world because of his hard work and years of practice.
This
Linking Words
 kind of
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celebrities
Fix the agreement mistake
celebrity
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 can inspire youth to develop their talents through
persistent
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persistence
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 and
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
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diligent
Replace the word
diligence
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to
Change preposition
toward
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their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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succeed
Replace the word
success
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. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 there some
celebrities
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 have a negative impact on
youngers
Correct your spelling
younger
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, I believe that there are other
celebrities
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 who are examples of hard work and determination and they are a great role model for young
people
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by Allazhar on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • glamour
  • wealth
  • achievements
  • portrayed
  • overshadow
  • influenced
  • lifestyles
  • unrealistic
  • expectations
  • values
  • promoting
  • hard work
  • perseverance
  • inspire
  • positive impact
What to do next:
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