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Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job strai

#people #university #college #route #career #job #strai
It is commonly believed that being an educational institution graduate leads to a prosperous career.
However
, there is
also
 a persuasive argument that teenagers should work straight when finishing school.
This
 essay attempts to shed light on both perspectives before concluding that I am in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
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 of the former notion. On the one hand, it is understandable why getting employed after high school could be attractive.
Firstly
, Teenagers making
this
 decision could become more independent.
As a result
, by earning their own income,they could be able to establish a stable life, start a family, or travel, and
this
 could
also
 help them become more mature.
Also
, by working early, youngsters would have more chances to gain real experience.
This
 is because they could have more time to hone practical skills,
such
 as time management or problem-solving
abilit
Correct your spelling
ability
abilities
. and
This
 may lead to promotions and a successful career.
On the other hand
, there are a host of compelling reasons as to why I am convinced that youngsters should choose to pursue higher education. One reason is that
this
 choice helps the young to open their social network. By engaging in club activities and projects in university, they could make new friends and connect with professors, which would
make
Verb problem
give
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 them
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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a variety of high-paid job choices. Another reason is that applicants could chase
dream
Correct pronoun usage
their dream
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 work
having
Change preposition
by having
show examples
 academic qualifications
by
Change preposition
in
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 the required profession.
For instance
, in Vietnam, being a doctor requires a bachelor's medical degree, so
that
Correct word choice
apply
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university graduates with
this
 major are more likely to successfully apply
in
Change preposition
for
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this
 position
..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
show examples
 In conclusion,
due to
 the reasons stated above, I believe that students are more likely to enjoy a successful career in the long run if they possess a college or university degree. In conclusion,
while
 it is irrefutable that working early could have some benefits, I would contend that enrolling in higher education is better.
Submitted by thaongoccc25 on

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example addition
It's a great essay! For further improvement, consider adding more specific examples to support your arguments, which will add depth to your essay and better engage the reader.
grammar improvement
Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and typos to enhance the professionalism of your essay.
argument consistency
Try to maintain consistency in your argument's presentation to ensure the reader isn't confused.
balanced argument
Your essay presents a well-rounded view with arguments for both perspectives before stating a clear opinion. This helps to make your essay engaging and thoughtful.
structure
Your essay's structure is coherent, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This makes your essay easy to follow.
language variety
You've used a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary, which enhances the readability and sophistication of your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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