IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Subjects like arts, music and drama are more important than other school subjects and therefore should be given more time in the calendar. Do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In recent years, a debate regarding art
subjects
Use synonyms
 in school emerged.
In particular
Linking Words
, some people argue that
arts
Use synonyms
, music and drama are more important than other
subjects
Use synonyms
,
thus
Linking Words
 school schedules should reserve more
time
Use synonyms
 for them. I partially disagree with
this
Linking Words
 view, because
actually
Add a comma
actually,
show examples
 they have plenty of
time
Use synonyms
 and other
subjects
Use synonyms
 are equally or more important. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, a brief explanation of the matter will be given. It is undoubtedly true that artistic
subjects
Use synonyms
 are important in children's growth.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 first exposure to fine
arts
Use synonyms
 can develop in someone some sensibility to them, which can be the start of a career in the
arts
Use synonyms
 industry.
For instance
Linking Words
, many artists stated that their interest started during the first steps of their education.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, some studies suggest that
arts
Use synonyms
 can help create mental flexibility, a skill more and more required nowadays in every work position. Given all
this
Linking Words
, it is not entirely inaccurate to advocate for the increase of
time
Use synonyms
 given to music, drama and similar matters.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the importance of other teachings cannot be
overseen
Verb problem
overlooked
show examples
. In fact,
subjects
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as mathematics or language studies are at least as important as
arts
Use synonyms
 and pupils do not have many occasions to practice them as they do in schools.
For example
Linking Words
,
arts
Use synonyms
 can be pursued more easily during free
time
Use synonyms
, as can be seen by the fact that many people have a form of art as a hobby,
while
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 is more difficult for
subjects
Use synonyms
 like mathematics.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in some countries, schools already provide additional
time
Use synonyms
 for fine
arts
Use synonyms
 with optional activities outside the normal schedule. In conclusion, I disagree with the idea of giving more space to art, music or drama in spite of other
subjects
Use synonyms
. As stated above, the other
subjects
Use synonyms
 are important too, and if anything, they are the ones who need more
time
Use synonyms
, because it is difficult to come in contact with them outside educational systems. For all these reasons, school schedules should not be changed in favour of the
arts
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Ensure that all parts of the question are addressed directly and clearly, and provide a more balanced argument by acknowledging opposing views.
coherence and cohesion
Maintain coherence by using linking words and phrases to connect ideas within and between sentences and paragraphs.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: