Experts say older people were happier and healthier in past because they did exercise and spent more time with their family and friends , whereas many now suffer from lonliness and health problems . What are the causes of this and reasons

Many scholars opine that the older generation used to be more pleasant and healthful as compared to the present where isolation and diseases have prevailed among them.
This
essay will be shedding light on the causes behind
this
issue.
To begin
with, the major reason is the formation of nuclear families as people used to live in large families with more support and love when older people were looked after by young family members which
lead
Wrong verb form
led
show examples
to their healthy lifestyle.
Furthermore
, grandparents love to live among their grandchildren which used to be the reason for their happiness.
For example
, they do not feel lonely if they get to spend quality time with the kids. Their blissfulness comes from minor acts
such
as watching children play and taking care of them.
On the contrary
, these days, lost connection with keth and kins leads to solitude and unhealthy habits. Most of the adults adapted to the hectic work schedule,
Consequently
, they barely get time for themselves which results in separation from their parents and can be the reason to move to old age homes where they feel isolated from their loved ones which leads to poor health and depression. As an illustration, an old person living with his own family tends to be happier than a person spending his life in senior aide homes. Conclusively, detachment from acquaintances is the root cause of
this
escalating problem,
However
, It is not insurmountable and can easily be resolved by shoving the importance of having an experienced
person
Add an article
the person
a person
show examples
at home in the minds of younger folks.
Submitted by dilprt.kaur00 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion, but there's a bit of a struggle in maintaining a logical flow of ideas. Ensure smooth transitions between ideas by using suitable linking words and phrases. The arguments could be more persuasive if they were more logically structured and clearly connected to each other.
task achievement
You've managed to deliver a comprehensive response to the task, supporting your points with relevant examples. Make sure your arguments and examples are as clear and detailed as possible to maximise your score. The examples can be more specific and realistic, improving the overall quality of the essay.
lexical resource
Your vocabulary is reasonably varied, but there's always room for enhancement. Try to include more less common words and phrases, but only if they fit naturally in the context. Also, avoid word repetition and maintain formality throughout.
grammatical range
Using a wider range of grammatical structures will definitely add complexity to your writing. This will not only improve the quality of your essay but also enhance its readability. Pay close attention to the correct usage of grammar and punctuation.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • technological reliance
  • urbanization
  • work-life balance
  • family dynamics
  • lengthy longevity
  • quality of life
  • social isolation
  • digital divide
  • cultural values
  • communal living
  • processed foods
  • dietary changes
  • mental health
  • elderly well-being
What to do next:
Look at other essays: