despite huge improvements in healthcare , the overall standard of physical health in many developed countries is now failing what could be the reason for this trend and what can be done to reserve it.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

Although

Linking Words

first-world countries' healthcare systems are improving, the

overall

Linking Words

health

Use synonyms

of their citizens is deteriorating for a variety of reasons.

This

Linking Words

essay will address the issue and offer a remedy, followed by a conclusion.

To begin

Linking Words

with, major corporations currently develop sophisticated technologies that primarily encourage convenience, and

as a result

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

harms the

overall

Linking Words

health

Use synonyms

of individuals in nations

such

Linking Words

as Australia and the United States. Google Home,is a smart gadget that connects all technologies available in a person's home in

one

Use synonyms

navigation, providing the convenience of being able to control anything without moving from

one

Use synonyms

place to another.

Consequently

Linking Words

, ordinary actions

such

Linking Words

as walking about the house are no longer required, resulting in a lack of physical activity that can be hazardous to an individual's

health

Use synonyms

That is

Linking Words

why governments must push innovative devices that focus on exercise,

such

Linking Words

as Ring Fit,

one

Use synonyms

of the popular games from Nintendo Switch, a gadget invented in Asia but now widely known in first-world countries.

This

Linking Words

is an easy-to-use game for people of all ages, and its main advantage is that it can be played in the privacy of your own home.

Moreover

Linking Words

and even more importantly, fast

food

Use synonyms

has been increasingly popular in industrialised areas

due to

Linking Words

its low cost and convenience.

Furthermore

Linking Words

one

Use synonyms

of the reasons individuals choose

this

Linking Words

type of meal is a lack of time. It is indisputable that foods like burgers, chips, and fizzy beverages are extremely heavy in fat, sodium, and sugar.

Therefore

Linking Words

, overconsumption of these may lead to a variety of significant diseases

such

Linking Words

as high cholesterol, obesity, and diabetes.

This

Linking Words

problem can be remedied by encouraging people to seek out alternative healthy

food

Use synonyms

options

such

Linking Words

as Sushi stalls, which are not only inexpensive

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but

also

Linking Words

quick to acquire, similar to fast

food

Use synonyms

. In conclusion, despite the continued growth of healthcare services in industrialised countries, contemporary technology and unhealthy

food

Use synonyms

selections may pose a barrier to a healthy lifestyle.

Although

Linking Words

problems can be resolved by careful selection of available market alternatives, they will not jeopardise people's

overall

Linking Words

physical.

Nevertheless

Linking Words

, it is the community's preferences that will avert major

health

Use synonyms

concerns in the future.

mjdf0930Sat Feb 25 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task response

Task response: The essay responds adequately to the task by discussing reasons for the declining standard of physical health in developed countries and suggesting solutions. However, the essay could benefit from a clearer focus on the reasons and solutions to ensure a more direct response to the task.

Coherence and cohesion

Coherence and cohesion: The essay demonstrates a generally logical structure and presents a clear introduction and conclusion. However, there is room for improvement in the transition between ideas to ensure a smoother flow of information. Additionally, some of the examples used could be more closely related to the points being made, enhancing the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.

14
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

359 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5
band
Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations.
Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations.
4.5
band
Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones.
It has been widely claimed that smartphones become tools that some young people spend their time for hours every day. This essay will firstly explain the reason of the case before elaborating that why I consider the habitat to be a negative circumstance.
4.5
band
Today people are surrounded by advertising. This affects what people think is important and has a negative impact on people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In this technology – oriented society, individuals are bombarded by advertising, therefore it makes people think the advertisement things are quite necessary and useful in their daily life. Consequently, this phenomenon brings some negative influence on human life. In my point, I wholeheartedly agree that with this point of view.
8
band
In most countries, animal and plant species are declining rapidly. What are the causes of this? What measures could be done to prevent this decline?
Nowadays, the extinction of some animal and plant species is escalating at an alarming rate. This essay will discuss the major reasons for this phenomenon and provide a logical solution. I believe that the problem arises from multiple factors associated with illegal hunting and logging and to prevent creatures from disappearance some restrictions should be implemented.
7.5
band
In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this?
All places have their own history. Humans always have wanted to search and discover the story behind places. Due to the culture or opinions of the people who live in any country, we can understand why they are interested in knowing the history of their building or house.

despite huge improvements in healthcare , the overall standard of physical health in many developed countries is now failing what could be the reason for this trend and what can be done to reserve it.

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations.

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones.

Today people are surrounded by advertising. This affects what people think is important and has a negative impact on people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In most countries, animal and plant species are declining rapidly. What are the causes of this? What measures could be done to prevent this decline?

In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this?