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Writing Samples
Band 6

some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both these views and give your own opinions.

#people #parents #children #part #group #activities #time
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Some individuals argue that parents should support
the
Correct article usage
apply
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young adults to participate in group
activities
Use synonyms
 in their leisure time
while
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 other people oppose
this
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 view and want
children
Use synonyms
 to learn
while
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 staying on their own.
However
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, I agree with the view of
participanting
Correct your spelling
participating
 in groups and
this
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 essay will discuss the possible reasons for both of the views.
To begin
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 with, parents want their
children
Use synonyms
 to get comfortable with
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 surroundings. And,the only way to develop
this
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 habit is to encourage their young ones to actively participate in teams, owing to
this
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,
such
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activities
Use synonyms
 not only
helps
Change the verb form
help
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 to become sociable but
also
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fosters
Correct subject-verb agreement
foster
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 physical and mental growth.
For example
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, playing football together helps
peer
Correct subject-verb agreement
peers
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 to perform well in a team.
Besides
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this
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, certain
activities
Use synonyms
 like doing theatre with
the
Correct article usage
apply
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other artists
benefits
Change the verb form
benefit
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 individuals to sharpen their conservation skills.
On the contrary
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 side, some people do not agree with the view and want their
children
Use synonyms
 to learn things on their own rather
in
Correct word choice
than in
show examples
 groups. The primary reason behind
this
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 perspective is that they do not want their kids to get suffer from depression. As, in groups, competitions between young peers
leads
Change the verb form
lead
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 to some stressful situations and often seen that
children
Use synonyms
 get easily
frustrate
Change the form of the verb
frustrated
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 with their family members as well.
Moreover
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, these events can have a huge impact on mental health. The survey conducted by
health
Correct article usage
a health
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organisation
Fix the agreement mistake
organisations
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 states that around 57
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 of young ones developed
jealously
Replace the word
jealousy
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 and frustration towards their fellow mates because of competition between them.
To conclude
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,
although
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 participating in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
group
activities
Use synonyms
 can lead to competitive nature between mates, one can easily become
sociable
Add an article
a sociable
the sociable
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 person and
also
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 develop communication skills.
Submitted by sanakalsi3736 on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • encourage
  • occupied
  • organized
  • group activities
  • benefits
  • social
  • teamwork skills
  • interpersonal skills
  • friendship
  • discipline
  • time management
  • interests
  • hobbies
  • independent play
  • creativity
  • problem-solving skills
  • self-reliance
  • explore
  • discover
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