There are several factors that motivate people to stay in the workforce, and money is the most important reason/factor. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#factors #people #workforce #money #reason #factor

Many people

argued

Wrong verb form

argue

show examples

that having a high salary is the main essential reason to keep them motivated to do and stay in their occupation. I strongly disagree with

this

perspective, and I suppose that job satisfaction and a supportive work environment are much more imperative aspects to maintaining people's motivation for doing their employment. Having a profession that we are passionate about can help us achieve a sense of job satisfaction.

In addition

, if we have a good understanding of what we do it can

also

assist us to tackle the problem that we face in the workplace and turn it into something that can make us feel more motivated.

For example

, scientists love to do many experiments in order to invent a novel, even though they have to face some errors

while

doing

this

and feel more motivated

instead

because it is something that they are interested in.

Consequently

, they will enjoy doing consistently and achieving their goals.

In addition

, a supportive workplace

also

matters. Many employees feel unmotivated and intimidated because of their toxic colleagues.

Moreover

, having a feeling of working under pressure

also

reduces people's motivation to do their work. The research shows that many corporate employees choose to resign from their company

due to

unhealthy work circumstances even though they achieve

high

Add an article

a high

show examples

amount of wages.

Therefore

, earning a lot of money is not merely the reason the workers keep them resilient in their duties.

To conclude

, having a profession that gives you a sense of job satisfaction

as well as

provides a nice office atmosphere are the most essential aspects to make employees

keep

Verb problem

apply

show examples

motivated.

Submitted by misstiasclassroom on Sat Feb 25 2023

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task response

Ensure that each body paragraph contains a clear topic sentence and supports the main argument effectively.

coherence and cohesion

Use transition words and phrases to create a smooth flow between sentences and paragraphs.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

269 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

financial security
basic needs
career advancement
pension
job satisfaction
sense of purpose
social connections
workplace relationships
intellectual stimulation
societal norms
earning potential
motivation
livelihood
financial independence
professional growth

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