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Writing Samples
Band 8

some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matter(such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their wishes. other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them.

#people #children #choices #matter #food #clothes #entertainment #society #individuals #decisions #matters
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People
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 have different views about juveniles and whether their decisions could affect their personalities in a good or bad way. I believe making children responsible for their choices works to their benefit.
To begin
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 with, some
people
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 think allowing juveniles to choose their daily matters in the absence of upper-hand control from parents,
such
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 as their mother and father, may plant the seed of selfishness in their personalities, which may manifest in the future as members of the public who can't think about anyone but themselves, hating to share or help.
However
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, researchers dismiss
this
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 opinion, saying "human beings are socialised creators."
For example
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, watch any group of
people
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 at any workplace, and you will see a group that works together to the company's advantage in the first place.
On the other hand
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, there are
people
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 who believe in the importance of making minors responsible for their choices, and they argue that may help them to develop a sense of independence from a young age, which could have a huge impact on them.
For example
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, allowing them to choose their clothes for school, parks, or any place they go could help them increase their confidence by knowing they are independent, reliable, and able to be trusted. The effect of having leaders in younger generations would be far-reaching as it could have positive impacts on their academics, friendships, and extracurricular activities In conclusion, both sides have different points of view, and I stand by my belief that making minors responsible for their everyday matters is much more advantageous to them.
Submitted by talastring on

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task response
The essay provides a clear stance and addresses the prompt effectively. However, the arguments lack depth and could benefit from more specific examples and evidence to support the claims.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, providing a clear outline of the essay's content. Paragraphs are logically organized and connected, but some transitions between ideas could be improved for better flow and coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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