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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that strict punishments for driving offences are the key to reducing traffic accidents. Others, however, believe that other measures would be more effective in improving road safety. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
It is thought that strict punishment is the best
way
Use synonyms
 to reduce
car
Use synonyms
accidents
Use synonyms
,
however
Linking Words
, some
people
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 believe that there are
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 efficient ways to improve safety. Personally, I agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement. In subsequent paragraphs,
this
Linking Words
 essay shall see my thoughts.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, it is true to use punishment to minimize
traffic
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 crashes. Fines are
great
Add an article
a great
show examples
way
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 to force
people
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 to follow rules reluctantly.
For example
Linking Words
, in my country,
traffic
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accidents
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 rose for 5 years, but now
people
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 start to follow rules thank
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
road cameras which take
photo
Add an article
a photo
show examples
 of cars and write
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
out fines.
Additionally
Linking Words
, high control by police can
also
Linking Words
 reduce
car
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 crashes and they can write out high fines.
Also
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, some
people
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 are frightened
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
police
Correct article usage
the police
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.
As a result
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, drivers start to drive slower not to lose their money.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, we can find another effective
way
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 to minimize
car
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accidents
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. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 high-fines may not be useful to wealthy drivers.
Therefore
Linking Words
, one of the ways is to affect
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 means
people
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 need to encourage them to follow rules.
For instance
Linking Words
, teach them from
young
Add an article
a young
show examples
 age not to be insubordinate and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will reduce
traffic
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accidents
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 in future.
Finally
Linking Words
, another
way
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is signs
Change the verb form
signs
show examples
,
that is
Linking Words
, if more signs will be made, they will see them and minimize their speed.
Conclusion
In conclusion, both ways are good to reduce
car
Use synonyms
accidents
Use synonyms
. In my mind, strict punishments are better, because drivers may miss
traffic
Use synonyms
 signs,
however
Linking Words
, they cannot lose their earned money.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • deterrent
  • repeat offenses
  • infrastructure improvements
  • public awareness campaigns
  • reckless driving
  • traffic management technologies
  • intelligent traffic lights
  • speed cameras
  • public transportation
  • minimize
  • enhance safety
  • allocate funds
  • road signs
  • road safety
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