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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for a child having a larger number of toys?

#parents #children #toys #child
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Almost all people take
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
pleasure
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
 getting something to play with in their childhood. Different
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
and plenty amount of
toys
Use synonyms
 are bought
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
Add an article
the child
a child
show examples
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
 by
certain
Change the article
a certain
the certain
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 of
parents
Use synonyms
 . I will write
Change preposition
about
show examples
both advantages and disadvantages of owning
huge
Change the article
a huge
the huge
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 of playthings . Generally,
toys
Use synonyms
made
Add a missing verb
are made
show examples
 only for playing , and time by
time
Add an article
the time
show examples
 they
evaluated
Add a missing verb
are evaluated
show examples
 and nowadays they have many advantages like improving Intellectual quotient and individual skills . In
this
Linking Words
case
Add a comma
,case
show examples
 children
played
Wrong verb form
playing
show examples
 games can own a significant benefit in developing
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their intellect . One clear example is
construction
Correct article usage
a construction
show examples
 game named
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
“Lego”.
This
Linking Words
 game upgrades children’s IQ and construction
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
,
Linking Words
subsequently
Add a comma
,subsequently
show examples
 in the future
he
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 could become
professional
Correct article usage
a professional
show examples
constructor
Fix the agreement mistake
constructors
show examples
 or
engineer
Fix the agreement mistake
engineers
show examples
.
In
Linking Words
addition
Add a comma
,addition
show examples
toys
Use synonyms
 can solve
global
Add an article
the global
a global
show examples
 (worldwide )
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
, exactly addiction to phones . Because people , who don’t play and use mobiles in childhood , are less
depend
Replace the word
dependent
show examples
 on their
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
. In common , getting a large
number
Use synonyms
 of
toys
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 has negative impacts and disadvantages
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 both children and their
parents
Use synonyms
 .
Firstly
Linking Words
 , nowadays playthings for kids cost a lot of money ,
that is
Linking Words
hardly
Replace the word
hard
show examples
 earned by their
parents
Use synonyms
 . In
generally
Change the word
general
show examples
 speaking , it doesn’t worth spent money for buying
plenty
Add an article
a plenty
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 of
toys
Use synonyms
. And there is another disadvantage , precisely danger
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 kid’s health . Buying a large
number
Use synonyms
 of
toys
Use synonyms
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
 careless ,
whereas
Linking Words
 their child can get
maim
Wrong verb form
maimed
show examples
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
 sharp
toys
Use synonyms
 or shallow pony playthings
Overall
Linking Words
 , in my opinion
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
 of buying
Change the article
a
show examples
large amount of
toys
Use synonyms
 outweigh its drawbacks , unless there are disadvantages like
danger
Add an article
a danger
show examples
 to health and expensive cost .
Submitted by Deadline 8th April IELTS on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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