In the future people will not need to have schools, galleries, museums or libraries because everything from education to culture and entertainment will be available online. Do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
Education, art galleries, museums and libraries will be left near in the future because literacies,
courses
and entertainment already can be found online.
Firstly
, let us take a look at the benefits of technology. Nowadays, technology has brought so much pleasure to our society. For instance
, with just one click we can find everything we ever needed on the internet. From UI UX courses
to your favourite e-book, gladly, we can gladly purchase those online without us attending offline
classes or the nearest bookstore and if you are lucky there are a bunch of free courses
and e-books so all you need is just a good Wi-Fi network. On top of that, most people
are already accustomed to finding everything online instead
of visiting the nearby libraries as it now has an e-library feature where you can borrow books and they will automatically be returned to the library if the time
is running out. Another point worth noting is kids and young adults that categorized as Generation Z will find so much joy in all these online facilities because they just want instant experiences.
However
, the notion of leaving offline
school and library is just not for some people
. Especially for book enthusiasts, the feeling of reading a physical book is warmer and more enjoyable because they can limit their screen time
and don't need to cope with dry eyes as they look straight at a blue light screen for hours. Furthermore
, people
are social entities that have strong needs to meet other people
. Although
online courses
allow us to meet other people
, the interaction for every participant is very restricted because they only have one medium. On the other hand
, offline
schools are more beneficial as students have unlimited time
to interact with one another during their break time
. Also
, the offline
game is more enjoyable when students can play them together in a big group.
All things considered, I disagree that people
don't need offline
schools, galleries, museums and libraries in the future. Even though,
the Internet has made life easier, we cannot totally go online as a lot of things are more pleasant to do in real life.Remove the comma
apply
Submitted by matcha on
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Grammar
Work on improving grammatical accuracy and correcting minor errors to make your writing clearer and more professional. E.g., 'left near in the future' should be 'left out in the future' and 'categorized' should be 'categorized as.'
Content Development
Elaborate on your points with more detailed examples and explanations to strengthen your arguments. For instance, explain why Generation Z prefers online experiences with specific examples or studies.
Coherence and Cohesion
Transition between ideas can be made smoother. For instance, use linking phrases like 'Additionally' or 'Moreover' to make the flow of the essay more natural.
Content
The essay presents a balanced view by discussing both the advantages of online resources and the importance of offline experiences.
Structure
The introduction sets the stage for the discussion, and the conclusion effectively summarizes the key points.
Evidence
The essay uses specific examples such as Generation Z's habits and the benefits of physical books to support its points.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
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