IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

In some countries, there are fewer young people who listen to or play classical music these days. Why is this? Should young people be encouraged to play or perform classical music?

#countries #people #music
Classical
music
 has fallen out of
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 among youngsters in some parts of the world.
While
 the causes of
this
 trend vary, I believe efforts should be made to encourage
this
 age group to pursue
this
 genre of
music
. One of the chief reasons why the number of young
people
 interested in classical
music
 is in the minority has to do with cultural illiteracy.
That is
, most young
people
 grow up listening to modern musicians like Jay-Z, Eminem, and Beyoncé
while
 being entirely unaware of the cultural significance of classical era artists
such
 as Mozart and Beethoven. Though some young
people
 are taught pieces of classical musicians as part of the school curriculum, the majority disregard
such
 a rich facet of our culture.
Moreover
, learning to play classical
music
 often proves a daunting task for many young
people
.
This
 is because instruments used in
this
 genre – the piano, violin, and cello – take many years to master, unlike less challenging ones like the guitar, which takes a relatively short period of time. Regardless of the above-mentioned reasons, I am strongly in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of having the young learn to play some form of classical
music
.
This
 is primarily because it helps them enhance their cognitive performance. Many studies have confirmed marked mental stimulation
as a result
 of exposure to classical
music
. As
such
, not only does learning to perform classical
music
 make
people
 of young age more artistic, but
also
display
Correct subject-verb agreement
displays
show examples
 improved performance in the school context. Playing classical
music
also
 helps young
people
 develop desirable qualities like discipline and
consistence
Correct your spelling
consistency
show examples
, seeing as mastering a complex musical instrument like the piano requires
sustained
Add an article
the sustained
a sustained
show examples
 practice of the instrument.
Hence
, in an attempt to learn to play
this
 type of
music
, young
people
 learn to become patient and persistent. In conclusion, even though the growing disinterest of young
people
 in classical
music
 is for several reasons,
this
music
 genre has a great deal to offer in terms of heightened mental activation and positive
personal
Replace the word
personality
show examples
 traits. #task2 331 words, #classwork #Mukhammadali_Issues ⚡️@alisherposts⚡️
Submitted by moxinurabjalilova on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: