IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Volunteer work organized by middle school bring more benefits than problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#volunteer #work #middle #school
As students are well-rounded
developed
Correct word choice
and developed
show examples
,
volunteer
 activities have been much accounted
by
Change preposition
for by
show examples
 junior high which
even
Add a missing verb
is even
show examples
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a requirement for graduation. Unpaid
work
 might have some
downside
Fix the agreement mistake
downsides
show examples
, but I believe that there are more advantages for those young participants than disadvantages,
as well as
 the whole of society. On one hand, taking part in
volunteer
work
 may help develop positive qualities
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 youths. To be more specific, students would be patient and compassionate through
such
 works.
For example
, numerous
volunteer
 works are related to vulnerable groups.
Hence
 good qualities
such
 as forbearance,
sympathetic
Replace the word
sympathy
show examples
, and
affectionate
Replace the word
affection
show examples
 are built during the process. Concurrently, people who are compassionate can make many positive
contribution
Change to a plural noun
contributions
show examples
 to the community.
In addition
, cooperation would need to be demonstrated
through
Change preposition
throughout
show examples
 the project.
For instance
,
volunteer
Correct article usage
the volunteer
show examples
 industry often will group
junior
Fix the agreement mistake
juniors
show examples
 as a team, each person will be assigned
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
Correct word choice
or their
show examples
 own tasks. They would not be allowed to slack off the fundamental
work
 of themself.
As a result
,
sense
Correct article usage
a sense
show examples
 of responsibility and
sense
Correct article usage
a sense
show examples
 of achievement when they finish their
work
 will be appealed
inside of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their heart.
On the other hand
, various drawbacks may be
Correct article usage
a concerned
show examples
concerned
Replace the word
concern
show examples
.
This
 is because assuming that schools have not explained the meaning of volunteerism, juveniles may think that it is time-consuming. When those teenagers will be distracted from their courses and assignments to do
volunteer
work
 without understanding the
meanings
Fix the agreement mistake
meaning
show examples
 behind it significantly, they would not be willing to participate.
However
,
such
 issues are insignificant. In conclusion,
volunteer
 programs have an excellent impact on students themselves and civilization.
Besides
 learning, it
also
 improves students’ personal
quality
Fix the agreement mistake
qualities
show examples
. Ultimately,
although
 volunteerism has its disadvantages, I believe that the benefits definitely outweigh the cons.
Submitted by huxleychen41 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: