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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Ownership of mobile phones has risen dramatically in recent years despite the potentially harmful effects they may have on our health and on society. Government should introduce measures to restrict ownership to those who need them for their work. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Recently, a couple of years ago ownership of smartphones has significantly increased despite the danger it can cause to individuals and on majority.
Therefore
 people discuss whether the government should ban and limit telephone usage.
However
, in my point of
view
Add a comma
,view
show examples
 adults are totally free to utilize their personal gadgets,
whereas
 for the new
generation
Add a comma
,generation
show examples
 it is prohibited
due to
 age-restricted information they can face. To start with, a smartphone is a big distraction to human beings if used only for entertainment. People are ready to scroll through social news and watch shows they enjoy, forgetting about their work.
Thus
,
this
 will lead to being less productive, and misguide a person's success in whatever he or she wants to lead.
For instance
, I was always distracted from my education
as a result
 of a huge amount of social media consumption,
afterwards
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,afterwards
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 I started to utilize my phone correctly, by reading books, keeping a daily journal and learning through online courses. The opportunity a mobile is providing is astonishing,
hence
 if it is used correctly an individual might get marvellous at their work.
Nonetheless
, the problem with banning telephones for kids and teenagers is quite contrasting from adults. Social media has extremely wide information consumption.
Consequently
Add a comma
,Consequently
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 kids might face some restricted data from there. An adult understands what is he or she watching, notwithstanding a teenager can't differentiate the material they see. A huge amount of dopamine is released when a kid watches a restricted video material, which really damages the psychology of youth. In conclusion, I believe that mobile phones shouldn’t be banned for adults,
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
 they might do it for kids
due to
 an argument I mentioned above or at least put some restrictions on the use of social publishings.
Submitted by lil.abdulla on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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