Some people think that government is responsible for the rise in obesity in children. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #government #rise #obesity #children

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Nowadays,

children

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are lazier and more inactive as compared to the previous generations. Few people believe that the administration is to be blamed for the overweight problems among

children

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. I partially disagree with the notion and both sides will be discussed before reaching a detailed conclusion. Certainly, there are many decisions by the authorities that affect the body mass of

children

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. The prominent one is that the government has reduced the level of difficulty in academics. Explaining in simple terms, the western education system is highly growing in my country which is comparatively less stressful as compared to the previous style of learning and now

children

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have more spare time to deal with. Ultimately,

such

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factors lead to rising laziness among younger generations and spending more time doing passive activities which do not involve any physical movements.

In addition

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, the government is not taking steps over some digital

games

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boom among

children

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. In simple words, there are few smartphone and computer

games

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which are highly growing among

children

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and they are very addictive towards it,

which

Correct pronoun usage

apply

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involve long hours of sitting in their rooms and no outdoor activities.

For instance

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games

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like call-of-duty and

valorant

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valiant

valour

are the trending ones.

On the contrary

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, the administration is not the only one

that is

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responsible for obesity among

children

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Firstly

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, parents play the most important role in how the child is shaped. In today's time, parents are giving access to more and more gadgets to their

children

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, which has decreased the level of physical activity. To exemplify, my grandfather did not allow my father to play with

such

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gadgets in his childhood,

hence

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, he played more outdoor

games

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, which kept his physique fit.

Secondly

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, awareness of

sports

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is decreasing. There are still many families that consider

sports

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a profession with no future.

As a result

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children

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are not encouraged to develop an interest in

sports

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To sum up

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although

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the government has a major contribution to the growing obesity among young

children

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, it is not solely responsible. Parents are letting their

children

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have access to more technological instruments and

sports

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as a profession is not accepted by guardians.

Submitted by Aryan Patel on Sun Feb 26 2023

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

355 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

policies
responsibility
health and well-being
education and awareness programs
childhood obesity
food advertising and labeling
unhealthy food
supportive environments
recreational facilities
collaboration
healthcare providers

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