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Band 4

In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for year between finishing high school and starting university studies.

#countries #people #work #travel #year #school #university #studies
In some
nations
Add a comma
,nations
show examples
 students have the possibility
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 when they finish high school and before starting university studies, to have a gap
year
.
In
Change preposition
This
show examples
this
year
 they can
work
 or travel in order to make a more informed choice for their own future
life
. In favour of
this
opportunity
Add a comma
,opportunity
show examples
 there is the possibility to start working and understanding how the world of
work
 works with its rules and with the necessity to create relationships with colleagues.
Furthermore
, working is important to understand the importance of taking responsibility and the difficulty of managing the money earned. Starting
work
 early can help you understand what your inclinations are and help you make a more informed choice of the type of study to undertake
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 so that
they
Correct pronoun usage
you
show examples
 are closer to
their
Correct pronoun usage
your
show examples
 own desires and
life
 experiences. In fact,
this
 choice, probably, will
occupe
Correct your spelling
occupy
 them for their entire
life
. Working will give them the opportunity to know new people who, surely, will enrich them with new experiences e knowledge.
Also
Add a comma
,Also
show examples
 travelling could be most useful to know new cultures and ways of
life
 and can help to reduce the stress of daily
life
. At the same time could be useful to learn how to manage better money and time. Against
this
 possibility,
however
, we can say that
this
 gap
year
 could be very unproductive and unuseful because it could be very expensive because of
travels
Fix the agreement mistake
travel
show examples
 and,
furthermore
, could do losing one
year
 to study. In conclusion,
this
 opportunity could bring the advantage to understand the importance of money and
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
managing
Replace the word
management
show examples
 and the difficulties of the world of
work
 but it could have
also
 some disadvantages.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural immersion
  • Life experience
  • Work ethic
  • Career readiness
  • Self-discovery
  • Delayed gratification
  • Intellectual stagnation
  • Financial implications
  • Social dynamics
  • Academic trajectory
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