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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below shows the number of cars made in three countries in 2003, 2006 and 2009.

The table below shows the number of cars made in three countries in 2003, 2006 and 2009.
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The given table illustrates the production of
cars
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 in
Argentina
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,
Australia
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 and
Thailand
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 from 2003 to 2009.
Overall
Linking Words
,
Thailand
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 was the leader concerning the production of
cars
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 over the whole period.
In addition
Linking Words
, the number of autos which were made in
Argentina
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 and
Thailand
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 witnessed an upward trend,
whereas
Linking Words
 the figures for
Australia
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 showed a downward trend during the period in question.
Argentina
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 had the least number of produced autos in the first year, but in the year 2009, the least numbers were in
Australia
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. In 2003,
Thailand
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 was dominant and had 735825 produced vehicles,
compare
Change the form of the verb
compared
show examples
 to other countries, which
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
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made 235088 copies in
Argentina
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 and 452163 copies in
Australia
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.
Following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, the figures for
Argentina
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 showed
a
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apply
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growth to 352759 vehicles, which made
this
Linking Words
 country the second highest in the year 2006.
Thailand
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also
Linking Words
 witnessed a considerable increase
by
Change preposition
of
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 about 400000
cars
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 in 2006. During the
last
Linking Words
 3 years, the number of
cars
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 which were devised in
Argentina
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 increased to 466089
cars
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,
whereas
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 index decreased in
Thailand
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 from 1162356 automobiles to 999963 automobiles,
Linking Words
however
Add the comma(s)
,however
show examples
 it country was still the leader.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words cars, argentina, australia, thailand with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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