IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Some people want governments to spend money looking for life on other planets. Others, however, think this is a waste of public money when there are so many problems on earth. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.

#minutes #people #governments #money #life #planets #waste #earth
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Whilst the debate surrounding the
government
's decision toward the idea of increasing the investment
money
 to study the existence of life on other
planets
 is advocated by others, I believe in a more imperative use of
such
 public
money
 in tackling the prevailing problems on our
planet
. On the one hand, the former decision from the
government
 is justifiable.
Firstly
, the search for another place for humans to accommodate is rising not only for our livelihoods but
also
 for the rising of our curiosity. The search for foreign residents on another
planet
 could indicate the habitability of that
planet
, resulting in the need to colonize for the sake of increasing the livelihoods of the human race.
Furthermore
, In order to satisfy humans' curiosity, research on foreign creatures on a potential new
planet
 is established resulting in more diverse knowledge of life.
On the other hand
,
instead
 of looking for new
planets
 and complicated remedies for moving to another
planet
, governments should invest in more realistic
issues
 on
this
 current
planet
.
Initially
, the public
money
 should
instead
 be invested in a more reasonable and practical solution because it would take an astronomical time for human technology to reach that level, solving the current
issues
 should
instead
 be prioritized.
For example
, the
money
 for investing in companies
such
 as NASA could
instead
 help underprivileged residents or research a way to halt the progress of Global Warming. And, if the
government
's investing tendency toward researching other
planets
 still prevails, more people on our
planet
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
could suffer from
such
issues
. In conclusion,
while
 it is beneficial to spend public
money
 to search for life on other
planets
, the
government
 should inclined to tackle contemporary
issues
 for the sake of others' livelihoods.
Submitted by bendy.anhle on

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task achievement
You have presented a balanced discussion and provided a clear opinion. However, try to expand on your ideas a bit more and provide more specific examples to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Focus on ensuring all your points are comprehensively explained. You can try to organize your ideas with better clarity and connect them more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Ensure there is a smooth transition between paragraphs and ideas. This can help improve the logical flow of your essay and make your points more cohesive.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps give structure to your essay.
task achievement
The essay addresses both views and presents a balanced discussion, which is good for task achievement.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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