In many countries, art galleries visitors have been declining steadily. What are the possible reason? how to change this trend?

In many parts of the world, fewer and fewer
people
can be seen at
art
galleries in the present day.
This
essay will state the possible reason for
this
downfall and suggest some options to alter
this
trend.
Firstly
, one of the significant factors contributing to
this
issue is that
people
are heavily immersed in their work in the red-race society nowadays to firm their livelihoods and their future nest egg.
Thus
, they usually spend time at home during the weekend to do their house chores and with their family.
Secondly
, the quality of the
art
seems decreasing, and loses the interest of the public.
This
happens when artists struggle to earn a living and leave no room for their professionalism.
As a result
, they aim to persuade the majority for the money rather than to show off their skills. There are a few suggestions to improve the situation.
Art
can de-stress
people
's minds.
For instance
,
art
such
as scenery, forest and waterfall pictures promote the tranquillity of the human mind.
Consequently
, the employer should provide family days for their employees by letting them visit the
art
galleries to relax their minds.
Additionally
, the government should support the artists by providing affordable rental prices or free-of-charge function halls to showcase their artworks.
For example
, in Singapore, artwork shows are allowed free of charge at the shopping mall function place so that the artists can able to closely get in touch with the locals to promote their artwork skills. In conclusion,
people
are busy and struggling for their living resulting the fewer visitors to
art
galleries.
Additionally
, the government concentrated more on the economic sectors to form developing countries. These causes are mainly
due to
human factors.If we can improve and balance those inequalities,
art
can be again an integral part of human society.
Submitted by ryanmaw.07 on

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task achievement
To improve your task response, ensure that you expand on each point with more specific details and varied vocabulary. This will give your essay a more comprehensive and insightful look at the issue. Providing additional relevant examples can also enhance your arguments.
coherence cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, try to use more diverse linking words and phrases to connect ideas smoothly. While your essay is logically structured, make sure each paragraph transitions clearly to the next. Diversifying the sentence structure can also help in making your essay flow more naturally.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is essential for a well-structured response.
task achievement
You have addressed both parts of the prompt by discussing the reasons for the declining number of visitors and suggesting solutions. This shows a good understanding of the task requirements.
task achievement
You provided specific examples, such as the situation in Singapore, which help to illustrate your points more effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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