IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In many countries, the amount of crime is increasing. What do you think are the main causes of crime? How can we deal with those causes?

#countries #amount #crime
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It has been a disturbing condition to the general public that there are more crimes recently than in the past. I identify a number of factors which contribute to
this
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 phenomenon, and we can propose several ways to improve the safety condition of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society. As
the
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apply
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technology develops, criminals have turned to more high-tech crimes rather than the ‘old-fashioned’ burglaries and robberies, which could be more easily solved by the police.
As a result
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,
the
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apply
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law
enforcements
Correct your spelling
enforcement
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 impose less deterring effects on
people
Use synonyms
 from committing crimes.
For example
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, there are reported cases of hackers using computers and
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
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 to break into the
bank
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bank's
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 security system
,
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 and stole a large amount of money without even presenting themselves at the bank. Another factor
adds
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that adds
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 to more
people
Use synonyms
 breaking the law is that the income gap between the rich and the poor has widened. Little care is provided to the poor, and they feel
being
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overlooked and discarded by
the
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society.
Furthermore
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, the economy is deteriorating in many countries where the unemployment rate spikes and
people
Use synonyms
 find it difficult to make a living through work and have to turn to criminals. Luckily, it is never too late for us to make amendments. The government needs to invest more in building firewalls for vital electronic systems and training the police with updated technologies. New generations of equipment should
also
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 be deployed to deter
people
Use synonyms
 from breaking the law,
such
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 as surveillance cameras and
finger prints
Correct your spelling
fingerprints
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 locks. The public should
also
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 focus more on the well-being of the poor by providing
helps
Change the wording
help
bits of help
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 including voluntary
cares
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care
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, donations and free shelters. For nations that are
under
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in
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 financial distress, skill
trainings
Change the wording
training
pieces of training
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 should be provided for the unemployed to help them find new jobs, and unemployment insurance is always helpful in reducing one’s financial pressure of being laid off. In conclusion, despite there are certain adverse factors, we can still make various efforts to develop a safer society for everyone.
Submitted by allanhhb on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic disparity
  • propensity
  • recidivism
  • deterrent
  • rehabilitative
  • judicial system
  • corruption
  • socioeconomic
  • alienation
  • stigmatization
  • decriminalization
  • enforcement
  • gentrification
  • preemptive measures
  • intervention strategies
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