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Writing Samples
Band 6

The three pie charts show the changes in annual spending by a particular school in 1981, 1991, and 2001.

The three pie charts show the changes in annual spending by a particular school in 1981, 1991, and 2001.
#three #show #changes #school
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A glance at the three pie charts provided
reveal
Change the verb form
reveals
show examples
 some changes in annual
expendituring
Correct your spelling
expenditure
expenditures
 in one of the schools in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 in three decades.As it is clear,spending
money
Use synonyms
 in all sectors has fluctuated during these years. The main sources of
money
Use synonyms
,first of all,in the school
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 dedicated to
teachers
Change noun form
teachers'
teacher's
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 salaries with 40%,50%and 45% in1981,1991 and 2001 respectively.the second biggest proportion of
money
Use synonyms
 spend
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 other
workers
Change noun form
workers'
worker's
show examples
 salaries,during
this
Linking Words
 period,
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
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 slightly decreased between 15% and 28 %.
According to
Linking Words
 the pie charts,
school
Add an article
the school
show examples
 has allocated
money
Use synonyms
 for other parts
ot
Correct your spelling
of
 its school
such
Linking Words
 as preparing
furnitures
Correct your spelling
furniture
 and other
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
,at least in 1991 with 5% and
maximum
Correct article usage
a maximum
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with
Change preposition
of
show examples
 23% in 2001.Meanwhile during
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 years spending
money
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 some resources,
for
Linking Words
instance
Add a comma
,instance
show examples
 books,was
Linking Words
further
Correct article usage
a further
show examples
 point.that it had
changes
Correct your spelling
changed
show examples
,somewhere between 9% and 20
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.It is obvious,the smallest part of annual spending
money
Use synonyms
 was related to
insurance
Add an article
the insurance
show examples
 sector and it
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
rose from 2% in 1981 to 8 % in 2001.
Submitted by marzieh.kiani on

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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words money with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "changes" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • annual spending
  • budget allocation
  • educational expenses
  • financial distribution
  • percentage
  • increase/decrease in spending
  • significant change
  • expenditures
  • comparison
  • trend
  • category
  • shift
  • saw a rise/fall
  • investment
  • allocation
  • predominant
  • minor
  • resources
  • prioritize
  • fiscal policy
  • capital outlay
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