IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in households in one country between 1920 and 2019.

The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in households in one country between 1920 and 2019.
#show #changes #ownership #appliances #amount #time #housework #households #country
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The line charts compare ownership of electrical
appliances
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 and
doing
Unnecessary verb
apply
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housework
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 time in
households
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 in the country from 1920 to 2019. We can see that there were totally different trends both in the figure
of
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for
show examples
 electrical
appliances
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 and the time of doing
housework
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 in
household
Add an article
the household
a household
show examples
 over the period. The number of electrical
appliances
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 ,washing
machine
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machines
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,
refrigerator
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refrigerators
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 and vacuum
cleaner
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cleaners
show examples
,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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significantly increased
whereas
Linking Words
 the weekly
hours
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 of
housework
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 in
households
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 fell
down during
Change preposition
over
show examples
 almost 100 years. It can see that the proportion of
refrigerator
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refrigerators
show examples
 dramatically
rised
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rose
raised
rise
, by 100% from 1920 to 1980 and remained
100
Change preposition
by 100
show examples
% over the end of
this
Linking Words
 period.
Also
Linking Words
, there was
similiarly
Correct your spelling
similar
 growth in the amount of vacuum
cleaner
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cleaners
show examples
 which reached 100% in 2000 from 30% in 1920.
Accoding
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According
 to ownership of washing machine, it
steadly
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steadily
 increased from 40% to above 70% over the period in the city. When it comes to the
hours
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 of
housework
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 every week in
households
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 dropped obviously, by 30
hours
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 from 1920 to 1960 owing to the increase in the figure
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 electrical
appliances
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.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the
hours
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 of
housework
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 every week in
households
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 slightly decreased from 20
hours
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 to 10
hours
Use synonyms
 between 1960 and 2019.
Submitted by jackson05234 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words appliances, housework, households, hours with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • ownership
  • electrical appliances
  • housework
  • time frame
  • variables
  • trends
  • significant milestones
  • turning points
  • correlation
  • reduction
  • influenced
  • societal implications
  • quality of life
  • gender roles
  • economic implications
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