Eating too much sugar is harmful to health. Some people think it is the government’s responsibility to limit people’s sugar consumption, while others think it is an individual’s responsibility to limit the amount of sugar they eat. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
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The
sugar
in the body is a huge problem for health, but there are some people
to say the public system should cut off the consumption of sugar
, while
others argue that everyone is the individual responsible for making restrictions in their diets. I believe the people
have to be aware of their own well-being.
On the one hand, the government
would benefit from is cost of health-care resources if they would limit the excess use of sugar
in the mealtimes for every individual, saving a thousand of dollars in digestion treatments and surgeries to help people
get a better quality of life
in relation with nutrition, physical and emotional process, this
can be seen in Singapur as the first country to ban the ads of sugar
drinks, preventing issues in the healthy of their citizens, caused for these goods.
On the other hand
, helping people
to be aware of their style of life
, is more important than making a banner to save money for the government
, since showing people
the difference between excess and moderate insulin in the body and how this
can impact their life
, would aim to change their habits. This
help can be support for the government
linking programs of good well-being in their health care services, involving all humans in good care, always a conscience of their nutrition and how can this
impact the life
in long term. For example
, Germany invites the population to use a bicycle as a transport in their daily routines as a tool to exercise the body often and also
promotes the consumption of water instead
of artificial beverages.
In conclusion, although
the government
can save a lot of money on public health - care insurance, they don't have the responsibility to keep their individuals in good shape and without sugar
problems, everyone is the main responsible for their daily routines, especially when they link food traditions that affect the general well being.Submitted by jennitobon16 on
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coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present but could be developed further to more effectively encapsulate the main argument of your essay. Consider restating the topic and summarizing your key points more explicitly in both the introduction and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with specific and detailed examples. While you have provided some general examples, greater detail and specificity would enhance the argument and clarity of your essay.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task adequately. Ensure that you discuss both views fully and provide a clear opinion. Although you briefly mentioned both views, your discussion should be more balanced and your own opinion more clearly stated.
task achievement
Develop clear and comprehensive ideas within your essay. Your arguments are somewhat clear but require more development and explanation. Use additional supporting details and elaboration to clarify your points.
task achievement
Use relevant examples to support your ideas. The essay includes examples, but they could be more relevant and specific to the point being made. Ensure that each example directly supports and illustrates the argument or viewpoint.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.