IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The only way to improve the safety of our roads is to give much stricter punishments for driving offenses to what extent do you agree or disagree

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It is sometimes argued that the only method to ensure
road
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 safety is strictly punishing reckless
drivers
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.
While
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 there might be some reasons to support that idea, I strongly believe that other more effective ways should be applied to solve the problem of transportation.
To begin
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 with, Improving the
road
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 system is regarded as one of the most efficient ways to minimize the number of
accidents
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. It is true that poor
road
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conditions
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 are a major reason for
road
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 casualties
,
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apply
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 because Narrow roads and sharp curves can easily lead to fatal wounds or deaths, even with law-abiding
drivers
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.
As a result
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, it is impossible for strict punishments to address the issue of transportation.
Instead
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, governments need to spend more money on upgrading
road
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 systems and installing more useful traffic signals with a view to protecting people from serious
accidents
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.
For example
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, In 2019, the government in
Viet Nam
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Vietnam
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 decided to construct more concrete roads in order to ensure its citizens
well
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'
 -
being
Verb problem
well-being
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. Another point worth mentioning is that
Climate
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conditions
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 make a contribution to the increasing rate of
road
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accidents
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.
Drivers
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 often find it difficult to commute in extreme weather, especially dense mist and heavy rain or slippery roads on account of snowballs.
Although
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 the imposition of strict rules on traffic jams can prevent people from Drunken and drowsy driving, these rules are unable to mitigate
accidents
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 caused by
climate
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conditions
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. Thanks to the development of technology, facilities and equipment can be invented to forecast the weather and guarantee the safety of
drivers
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.
For instance
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, scientists in Japan have invented cars that can be used in almost
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climate
Correct determiner usage
all climate
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conditions
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 without worrying about the risks. In conclusion,
while
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 imposing punishments on careless
drivers
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 is believed to be reasonable, I maintain that both
road
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 systems and
climate
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conditions
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 play a pivotal role in transportation.
Therefore
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, it is advisable that these factors should be taken into consideration.

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task achievement
Ensure that your main ideas are explicitly stated in the introduction and developed more clearly throughout the essay. Some ideas could be more fully explored to enhance your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Use transitions and linking words more effectively to create smoother connections between your paragraphs and ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to avoid grammatical errors, such as capitalization and sentence structure issues, which can distract from your message and reduce clarity.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear opinion on the issue and attempts to argue against the sole reliance on punishment as a means to improve road safety.
task achievement
The examples provided are relevant and demonstrate awareness of the broader context of road safety beyond just the enforcement of punishments.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • deterrent
  • reckless driving
  • penalties
  • responsibility
  • cultural shift
  • safe driving habits
  • points system
  • repeat offenders
  • public safety
  • education and awareness campaigns
  • environmental factors
  • poor road conditions
  • inadequate signage
  • infrastructure
  • multifaceted approach
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