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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The tables below show data about the amount of television watched by children in different countries (hours per day) and also the average academic achievement of people in these countries (% of people completing each level). Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below, and make comparisons where relevant.

The tables below show data about the amount of television watched by children in different countries (hours per day) and also the average academic achievement of people in these countries (% of people completing each level). Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The diagrams depict information about the number of
hours
Use synonyms
 spent by children watching TV programs in 9 mentioned regions.
In addition
Linking Words
, the second diagram
also
Linking Words
 presents the percentage of educational accomplishment in Schools, High Schools, and Universities.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 USA, Canada, and UK had the higher amount of television watched per day
while
Linking Words
 India, Brazil, UAE, and Malta show in reverse.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it depicted that the 3 mentioned
countries
Use synonyms
 with the highest amount of watching TV produce more undergraduates compared to the other categories. To commence with, The US, Canada, and UK are recorded as the country that spent about 4
hours
Use synonyms
 per day watching television followed by China and Italy in second place at about 3
hours
Use synonyms
.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, 4 left
countries
Use synonyms
 depict in reverse which merely spends about 1-2
hours
Use synonyms
 per day. Turning to academic achievement, it is apparent that the list of
countries
Use synonyms
 that spend 3-4
hours
Use synonyms
 watching television programs had more university alumni and vice versa.
However
Linking Words
, in high
school
Use synonyms
 and
school
Use synonyms
 ,achievement it presented that India has a small amount of
school
Use synonyms
 and high
school
Use synonyms
 graduates
while
Linking Words
 Malta is recorded as the only country with residents that already completed
school
Use synonyms
 and high
school
Use synonyms
 levels 100%.
Besides
Linking Words
, Italy and Canada
also
Linking Words
 have 100% of people that already achieve
school
Use synonyms
 certification. Eventually, the remaining
countries
Use synonyms
 present an average start of 68% to 90% in completing
school
Use synonyms
 and high
school
Use synonyms
 academics.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words hours, countries, school with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "diagrams" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "depict" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "presents" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
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