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Band 5

More people say that devoting one time to the family activities is more important than spending time working. Others believe that dedicating one's time to work is more important. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

#people #time #activities #work
It is some
time
 agree that many
people
 refer
alocating
Correct your spelling
allocating
locating
 much
time
 at their
work
 rather than investing their
time
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 doing activities with family.
However
, there is
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
persuative
Correct your spelling
persuasive
 argument that it is more significant to use most of
time
Add an article
the time
show examples
 for family. On the one hand, it is argued by some that spending
time
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
working is essential.
Firstly
,
this
generation
Change noun form
generation's
show examples
belief can negatively affect
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
money. If you have a lot of money, you will have all. So
working
Change the form of the verb
work
show examples
 will be earned plenty of money to take care of
family
Correct article usage
the family
show examples
. It
also
ensure
Change the verb form
ensures
show examples
 daily living demand specifically dressing, eating,
Correct word choice
and electricitybill
show examples
electricitybill
Correct your spelling
electricity bill
,…
Furthermore
, the harder you
work
 every day, the higher your level will be.
For example
, as you know most
people
 in the world who have high
position
Fix the agreement mistake
positions
show examples
 are
people
 who
work
 non-stop.
By contrast
, there are
also
 some
disavantages
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
. Those
people
 have to sacrifice their family
time
 even overnight
stay
Correct subject-verb agreement
stays
show examples
 at the company. In
adition
Correct your spelling
addition
, working much can bring out stress,
metal
Correct your spelling
mental
show examples
 pressure or divorce status. Divorce
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
 will be
ocured
Correct your spelling
cured
occurred
 faster if
people
 always put the
work
 first without caring about the other.
On the other hand
, I would side with those who believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
one’s
time
 should be devoted
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 family.
This
 is the better way
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 family
conection
Correct your spelling
connection
. All members will clearly understand each other and have several unforgettable memories on holidays.
Acording
Correct your spelling
According
 to the
informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
show examples
 on the Internet, nearly all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
families which are happy and without domestic violence always gather to do some activities together
such
 as watching TV, telling stories,
going
Correct word choice
and going
show examples
 somewhere,…Another
reasons
Replace the adjective
reason
show examples
 is life becomes more comfortable. Working overly will
normolly
Correct your spelling
normally
 lead to many health problems like
isomniac
Correct your spelling
insomnia
insomniac
, depression or
dizzy
Replace the word
dizziness
show examples
.the
reasearchers
Correct your spelling
researchers
 have thought that
alocate
Correct your spelling
allocate
allocated
locate
time
 for families can help
realeased
Correct your spelling
release
released
 stress,
tireness
Correct your spelling
tiredness
 or something like that.
Besides
, it not only
bring
Change the verb form
brings
show examples
 a healthier lifestyle but
also
increase
Change the verb form
increases
show examples
 longevity. All in all, building a bond with family is more important than using one’s
time
 at the workplace. Simultaneously, both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
job and family
are hold
Change the verb form
are held
are holding
show examples
 steady.
Submitted by phamnhung275 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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