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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #music #cultures #ages
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Many
people
 claim that it is a good way to attach all ages
people
 who belong to other cultures together through
music
. There are a number of reasons,
such
 as tone and background effects that drive
people
 to bring them together. I firmly agree with
this
 trend, and
this
 essay will demonstrate it. An outstanding example of
this
 trend is the remarkable implementation of spreading
music
 through the Internet.
People
 from different cultures love
music
, whether it is a native
culture
 or another
culture
, which is trending most in recent times.
For example
, many
people
 use social media, and they listen to a variety of
music
 from different cultures.
However
, they do not understand the lyrics, they enjoy the tone, and sometimes they are keen to know
this
 trending
music
's background, which helps them to connect with each other.
Additionally
, many concerts,
such
 as brand shows, and operas, appear in a certain place. There are numerous
people
 from all ages attend there.
As a result
, it can be beneficial to know each other, which makes a good relationship among them.
On the other hand
, it is true that some
music
 has a negative impact on their
culture
, but most
people
 avoid it. Though many
music
 do not understand their lyrics or language,
people
 love their tone or background effects. It is
also
 a good reason to bind
people
 from another
culture
.
To conclude
,
music
 is the better option to connect
people
 with each other who belong to another
culture
.
Although
 some lyrics of
music
 are unpredictable,
people
 enjoy other elements of
music
 that assist them in bringing together all kinds of ages which I believe.
Submitted by nazmulrafi023 on

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task achievement
Try to support your main ideas with more specific and detailed examples to enhance clarity and impact.
task achievement
Some parts of the essay could be more clearly expressed. Focus on expressing your ideas in a more precise and straightforward manner.
coherence and cohesion
Consider better transitioning between your points to further strengthen the paragraph progression and overall flow.
coherence and cohesion
You provided a clear introduction and conclusion that encapsulates the main argument effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay contains a logical structure which is easy to follow, with ideas in paragraphs being connected to the central theme of the essay.
task achievement
You presented a complete response by discussing the role of music in connecting people from different cultures and ages.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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